Choosing yourself

As moms, we’re taught to put everyone else first—but what happens when you finally choose yourself? In this episode, we have an honest conversation about guilt, growth, and rediscovering who you are beyond motherhood. Because taking care of yourself doesn’t make you a bad mom, it helps you become a better one!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hello, guys, and welcome to another episode of We Said What You're Thinking. There we go. There we go. We have it. Round of applause for Erin Caltech. She finally got the cue. Um, why are we not at that place where you're finishing my sentences?

SPEAKER_02 0:25

Well, because I'm trying not to interrupt you. I don't want to interrupt you or talk over you. She's got no problem with interrupting me, ladies and gentlemen.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

She has never had a problem with interrupting me. Um, okay. So this episode um is actually called Choose Yourself. Choosing yourself. It's one of those things that I feel like a lot of women um, it's pretty relevant of the times, right?

SPEAKER_02 0:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Like it's it's it's it's everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

Well, and I think I have a lot of women have a hard time choosing their self, especially when they're they've got young kids and you know, they're a mom and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

I think this is actually um one of my um Instagram videos, this is one of the ones that went viral and it was about choosing yourself. Like I think I say, like, let them, like this is where I started to get that following of women, and it was like I was let them, you know, whatever, choose yourself. Like stop waiting to be chosen and choose yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

You have to. Yeah. You have to. It's hard though. I mean, we especially as a mom, it's hard to I feel like as a mom and a wife, a lot of times you're putting yourself on the back burner. And sometimes it's easier to just put yourself on the back burner to make sure you take care of everybody else before yourself.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Yeah, for sure. And like, I feel like I don't know what's going on with women like right now, but it's so much more, it's like we're kind of like awakening to it.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

You know, like we we've kind of figured out the narrative that they've sold us, um, you know, the Disney narrative of like you, you're a you're only a worth if you have like something to offer a man. And um it's I don't know if it's just my algorithm, but it is so relevant everywhere on social media that, you know, it's time for women to start choosing themselves. Like, um, I think I see a couple of these women that pop up on social media and they're like, um, you know, what if you get to the point and you're 55 years old and you have nothing. You have nothing. You've literally spent your life, you've given up your career to serve a role in a family. And one day you wake up and your husband goes, I don't want to be with you anymore. And you go, Oh shit. Now what? Now what?

SPEAKER_02 2:34

Seriously?

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Yeah. So I feel like that's a pretty common thing.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

And then here you are, you're a 55-year-old woman trying to start over and find a career at 55. Yeah. That's hard. That's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

That's where I think I'm kind of blessed. I'm 34 and I'm starting again. Like bloody.

SPEAKER_02 2:51

You're calling me old?

SPEAKER_00 2:52

No. No. No, okay. So here's what I'm saying is you were, um, I feel like you kind of did choose yourself too.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

Yes. And it was hard. Yeah. It was hard. I re I'll never forget I was both girls were in school. I can't remember if Alexis was in kindergarten full-time or just like half day. But Greg came home one day and I'm folding laundry and the girls are at school and like Disney channels on. He's like, What are you doing? He's like, You need to go get a job, like, go do something. And I was like, Oh, yeah, you're right. And it started off as just like a part-time thing, like go get a part-time job, do something while the girls are at school, and then it turned into a full-blown career.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Okay, but okay, let's hold up. Here's the key line here. Greg, her husband, helped her. He wanted her to have something for herself too. And I think this is where it's really, really like this is where I feel like maybe the feminist women, like maybe what I've portrayed online, we probably got it wrong. Not all men out there are unsafe for women. Okay. No. So Greg was like, you gotta do something for yourself.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Yes. But there's that also there's that flip side where there's that mom guilt. There was a time where I would drop the girls off at school, Greg would pick them up, get them fed, and I wouldn't see them again until the next morning when I was getting them up for school because I was working 10, 12 hour days. So, and I would miss out on things. I did my absolute best to make sure I was there for, you know, awards assemblies or whatever they have going on at school. I did my absolute best to be there. But there were times where I missed out and Greg stepped in. But it's hard. But and I'll never forget there was a time where Greg was like, What are you doing? Like, what are you looking for as far as a career? And why or why are you building this career? And it's like, well, on one hand, because if God forbid something happened to you, then what? Yeah, there's life insurance, but it only lasts for so long. Like, then what? I have to be able to take care of two kids on my own if something were to happen to you. Yeah. Or he got hurt at work and couldn't work. Like, I I need to have something to fall back on. And I don't think a lot of women, I don't want to say they can't do that, but maybe they're just not able to do that because of situations they're in.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

I don't think, okay, I I honestly don't think that enough women uh know any of this.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

You know what I mean? Like, we are literally told we're force-fed a narrative from it, like, and I can only speak from experience, we're force-fed a narrative from a very young age, whether it's through Disney, whatever it is, that like your purpose is to serve a man and his career. So um, like you don't really, um, I'm not really a future planner. I'm a very uh of the moment. I'm like, yeah, let's see how it goes. I'm definitely one of those people. Um, whether it's a good thing or bad thing, I don't know. But um let's just say that like when it comes to the reality thing, reality of things like that, it's like if you're not told about planning for your future, um, like what are you gonna do if this happens? Like, what's your fallback? What's your plan B? It's just like, uh, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

And we were lucky because of our schedules, Greg was able to, you know, pick up the slack with the girls in the afternoons and he'd go to the gym and take the girls with him. And then I mean, we were lucky as far as our schedules went that we were able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Yeah. But here's the thing. Okay, so I'm gonna backtrack a little bit here. So um, okay, so obviously you and I come from very different like um upbringings and lifestyles, different countries, everything. So when I before I became a mother, right, I um I was 21 and I was highly ambitious, and I'd just finished my music degree, and I was like, uh, I have plan A and that's it. And I remember my um production teacher in in college, I went to music college, he was like to me, um, he sat us all down in class and he was like, You guys need to tell me your plan A and then your plan B. And he went around the room and he asked everyone, and I was like, uh, sorry, Professor, I only have a plan A. And he was like, What? Well, that's stupid. And he hated me. He just, he hated me. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

Anybody hates you?

SPEAKER_00 7:17

No, but he just, no, but like, I mean, I would have hated. I was, I was the 18-year-old girl. Like at that time, I was bloody, I would have punched myself in the face, actually. Um, no, but like he, and I was just like so like delusional. I was like, what do you mean? I don't have a plan B. I'm I'm gonna make it or not. Like, that's it. Yeah, I decided and I was choosing myself. But instead, the universe was kind of like, gotcha, you're gonna do your plan B first. And basically, I became a mother at the age of 21. And it was like boom, boom, boom. Like you're gonna do this out of wedlock, whatever. And here's how your story's gonna go. So I didn't have another option but to do plan B. So I didn't even have a second to really well, you were young too.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

Like we I was 21 when Hannah was born.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

You don't have like at that age, like if you as a woman, if you're just gonna be a stay-at-home mum and a stay-at-home wife and you don't have anything for yourself, you haven't had a chance to explore the world or establish establish yourself in a career, it is a very different place to be in when you go into the journey of motherhood. And that's a fact. I don't care what you say. Like, I've got girlfriends that got that got pregnant at 17 and they get to this place in their life where they're like, I need to have something for me too. Because at the end of the day, you get one life. Like, what are you gonna do with your your time here? The fact that you're here on earth is you know, what is the what are the odds? It's like it's it's a freaking one in a billion. Like it's a crazy, crazy odd that you're even here.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

So it's like um for women, like we're told that we're just gonna be it's housewife, you know, or I think it's that standard that the world has set for a woman.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

Like you're you're taught like you are to be a mother, nurture your kids.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

And that's your value.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

And there you go.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

And so that's where um in today's day and age, you're seeing more and more women going, what?

SPEAKER_02 9:11

Like, I'm working on women in these huge corporate roles now. Yes, which boss and for me, when I was coming up into the management roles, like it was hard. Like people didn't see a woman as someone who could hold that position because it's like the risk of a woman. Like, what is she doing?

SPEAKER_00 9:33

Yeah, go back to the kitchen.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

I'll never ever forget there was a time, because I did restaurant management, that's my background. I had to call a company and it was our lines for the coke machines at behind the bar weren't working. And I'm calling and they're asking me questions. Well, did you check the compressor? Did you turn it off? Did you check to make sure the power was on? Yes, I obviously I checked those things. And I guarantee if it was a man calling, they wouldn't have asked those questions because they just assume that because it's a man, they're gonna take care of that. Or assume that it because it's a woman, she's not gonna know what to do.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

And isn't that so like isn't that? I think, okay, so I think that's really where it comes down to. Like, you're written off because um, and like I remember, like, I'm a I have a bachelor's degree in music, right? Like I fully went to college and like I I I have I'm pretty well around in music. And I remember being in rooms with some of the biggest, like some of the people that I written semiotic analysis on, like in my music, and like being in rooms with them and finally getting that opportunity to like, you know, oh, talk to them about, you know, that album they wrote with this and the production they used with this. And I'm like, but I'm there dressed as a bloody, cake-faced housewife, desperate dit that like can't be taken seriously. Right. Um, that I'm just like, it's actually kind of soul destroying. I think it's really soul destroying that like um, like we've already established I was playing a different role, but like um, I'm there and I'm finally getting this opportunity to talk to these music greats, something that I'm super passionate about, like my soul really loves. And here I am dressed as a, you know, I'm playing the role that I'm supposed to play. Yeah. So I'm I'm easily written off. It's just like, well, what do you have to say? Like, shut up and look good. Do you know what I mean? Not that anyone ever made me feel that. Like every person that I've met is really respectful and really lovely, but like it was kind of just like I don't even take myself seriously because I'm like, I've- Nobody else does. Yeah, nobody else does. Like, I'm I'm told that I have this as value, and if I don't do the best in that, then I'm not good enough. And I think like, um, you know, when you kind of like when you're a mum and like you're so consumed in it. I know like you were a stay-at-home mum for how long?

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Um, Alexis was in kindergarten, so five years.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

Six years.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

I I was a stay-at-home mum for 12 years. Yeah. So it's like, um, like that's the whole, like I had to pride myself, like you be you can't be be you become so consumed in it that like that's your only um like achievement that you like it, you become like you start nitpicking at yourself. It's like I have to be perfect. Like I was like at that point where I was like, I have to be, I have to look perfect. I have to be perfect, my kitchen has to be perfect. I got so consumed because I had nowhere else to put that energy. Right. I didn't know who I was. I just knew that society told me I had to be a housewife or whatever it was. So I better do it really, really well because it's all I can control.

SPEAKER_02 12:34

Well, and I'll stand by this to this day. Being a stay-at-home mom and a housewife is so much harder than being out in the workplace. I to this day. Louder for the people in the back, louder for the people in the back. Because I've done both. And it is much easier to go work a 10-hour shift on the floor at a restaurant than it is to manage a household. Yeah. And a lot of times being fully in it all the time. Right. And you know me, I love my husband to death. He's my number one supporter, but I would work my five, 10, 11, 12 hour shifts. And then on my days off, I'm doing the grocery shopping, I'm doing the laundry, I'm cleaning the house. So I'm still managing the house as well.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Yeah. Like on top. Like you're still like in that. Still a lot of work. Doesn't that say a lot about women? Like, we can do it, and we can do it. Superheroes with a baby on our hip. We can do it. Like we can do it on top of like having the career. And I think that's like a testament to women. And like, okay, I feel like the majority of our listeners are women, but um, like kudos to us because um getting lost in this idea and motherhood, honestly, guys, I gotta say, like being a mom is the is when my life started. It's the best. Rewarding. Yeah. Like my babies, like, I would never take it back. And being a stay-at-home mom, I would never take it back. You would never take it back. You got to do both. But like when it comes to choosing yourself, and there there has to be a time in every woman's life, whether it happens when you're 25, 35, 45, 65, like there will come a time in your life when you have no other choice but to choose yourself. And whether that involves burning your life down, like I realized choosing myself, I had to let people down. Right? Like you felt like you were letting people down.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

But then there's also that flip side, or whatever you wanna call it, like when your kids are grown adults, and then what? Like, yeah, then this is where you can come in with this. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Because Aaron's daughters are in their 20s.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

Yeah, 25 and 21. She's lucky, she's a young mom. They have full-on careers. And granted, they're always gonna need their mom. Yeah. But it's like, I'm not, they don't need me to change their diapers or do their laundry or whatever. They're grown adults now. But yeah, I'm pretty sure Hannah was doing your hair.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

Her daughter's a hairdresser. Shout out to Hannah for doing my hair. I call her and she's like, Hannah's doing my hair. I'm like, whoa. Like my four-year-old, I'm still doing this. But it's just like, um, so I think that's really a good thing. Because like Erin's kind of done both. She was in a safe place where her husband encouraged her to do something for herself. So um she was able to explore, you're able to explore yourself as like a woman in the career's world, and you you did really well for yourself. And um, but you've also experienced being a stay-at-home mom. And like, I feel like that's where um life can get really exciting. As hard as that decision is to make, like, choosing yourself is not for the faint of heart. It really is. It's hard. It's because there's that guilt that comes with it. Oh, the mom guilt. Oh, I I cry myself to sleep at night with mom guilt.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

It's so hard.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

Yeah, because choosing myself, it doesn't mean I didn't want to choose my kids. Like I still love, I'm, I'm a mom first. But it's like I've been doing it non-stop um since I was 21 and I don't know anything else. I haven't even, I haven't even explored myself. I just found out that I suck at cooking chicken. I've just discovered this about myself, guys. I've just discovered this. And like I would have never have discovered this if I hadn't chosen myself and left where I was, because now I know I'm useless.

SPEAKER_02 16:16

You didn't realize you were gonna have to leave this chef behind.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

I I can cook steak, I can cook beef, I can cook eggs. But if you give me chicken, you may as well just eat rubber. Like bloody hope. Mate, like she could not. But I've learned this about myself. And like, like it's the time, it's like, who are you? Yeah. Like when you become a mum at a young age, and I'm speaking to all women that that, okay, like I have a uh a friend that became a mother um closer to her 40s, but she had a fully established career before that. And she knew who she was, she knew what she wanted, down to the point where she knew what she would expect from her husband, and she has her husband eating out of the palm of her hand. Like this woman knows her shit. But it's just like, well, we're in two different places. She had that experience before she got to it. I was 21, bloody, still licking the curb half the time, going, What else am I gonna do with my life? And it's just like, if that's all you know, then what do you have to compare it to? It's gonna, you're gonna eventually blow up. You're eventually gonna go, what else is there out there? Yep. And I think all women go through this. If you don't get a safe place to to bloom and flower and experience life and like dabble in whatever it is, maybe you want to go to France and make croissants with a French laveur. Do it now. Do it now. Do it now. Why are you waiting until you're 50 and divorce? Like, if your husband doesn't want to do with you, mate, go. There's the sidewalk, but like I'm gone. Like you gotta. And I mean, if you don't have that in that place where you have that encouragement to bloom and have life too, like if you gotta remember you're a person too. Like, as mothers, mothers are people too.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

And I see, like it drains everything out of you, especially when they're so little and they depend on you for everything. It's so draining mentally, it's exhausting. Oh, it's like the flamingo.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

Yes, it's what is it, the pink flamingo theory? Where it's like the the ones your pink back. You get your pink back, yeah. Like so the the they say that the female, um, the mother flamingos like are almost white because they give it to their babies. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:28

And like And that's what you do as a mother. You give everything to those kids.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

And so I always encourage like the young moms, like, go out and do something for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:39

You have to.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

Maybe that's why she was my biggest supporter in like this whole thing. What do you want to do?

SPEAKER_02 18:45

Yeah, do that. But even now, like you've asked me, what do you want to do with your life? And I'm like, uh, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. Like, what do I want to do with myself now? Because I I say I have three jobs, and yeah, I guess yes, I kind of do, but like I also have so much freedom.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Yeah. But it's like the world is your oyster then. And isn't that exciting? And it's like, um, I feel like, okay, so my little sister, I love my little sister. She's at a point in her life too, and she's young, but she looks younger than like she looked like she's 18. Girls are like I look young, she looks like really young. So I don't know. How old is she? She's 33. Oh, okay. She's only a little bit younger than me, but she literally looks like she's 18. And I feel like this is maybe it's because Asians don't raise in. Like it's the Filipino genes. Like we just naturally look really young. But like, um, she's at a time in her life where all of this stuff is happening, and I'm like, babe, this is it. Yeah. And I said this to her last night. I was like, this is the universe saying to you, what do you want to do now? Like, you can do anything you want.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Especially because she is what's holding her back.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Like she doesn't have kids. She doesn't have, and that's what I think that's as a mother, and I feel like all mothers say this, especially young mums or any kind of mom, you see a young girl out there that doesn't have these, and I'm not saying that being a mom is a bad thing. I love being a mother. It's my favorite thing. I love, I adore my children. It is my whole world. But like, if I see a young woman out there that's literally got every opportunity at her feet, I'm like, you know, if I were you, I would have already taken a big bite out of that.

SPEAKER_02 20:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

And I'm just like, don't waste it. Don't do every one of us women that had a different set of cards handed to us, do us a favor and play that bloody, play that hand.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

Because I always say, like, I don't regret being a young mom. No. I was 21 when Hannah was born, but I look back and I'm going, I had no business being a mom at that age. I was still so naive. Were you like looking for the manual?

SPEAKER_00 20:41

Yes. Like they leave the. I remember when they I had Johnny, 21 years old. They put him, the nurse put him on my chest and like left me there. And I was like, What do I do? You didn't take the baby? I'm like, you want to leave this kid with me? And they're like, Well, you're the mother. And I'm like, what do I do with it?

SPEAKER_02 20:56

Yeah. They're like, and I'm like, And Hannah will make comments like how you know Alexis got away with so much more. And it's true, she did. 100% she did. Because I had no idea what I was doing with Hannah. It was all like trial and error.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

It's like the pancakes. They say when you make your pancakes, the first one always comes out a bit funky. Yeah. I'm a firstborn daughter. So my dad laughs about this all the time. He's like, yeah, you know, um, the firstborn's always the trial one. Yes. And I'm like, yeah, no wonder. No bloody wonder. My sister got everything. I here's me like doing all the bad stuff, and she's like the angel child. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's the second thing.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

And it's, I mean, it I didn't know what I was doing. I don't think so. So I always say that's like go and live your life. And if you want to have kids, like just wait till you're like established. Cause it was so hard for us. We struggled so much. Yeah. And again, I do I have no regrets, zero regrets, but it was hard. Yeah. It was so hard.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Yeah. Being it it's hard and you don't want to take like I would never take it back.

SPEAKER_02 21:57

No.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

And like, um, but it does it. Helps you grow up really quickly. Like I feel like I needed it because I I am a very I feel like I have the mind of a child. Yeah. Don't we all? Um, but like when you when you become a mother at a young age, like anything that happens, it's like it is the ultimate like initiation into like fast tracking your life.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

Like fast tracking like everything in your life.

SPEAKER_02 22:22

But then it is such a good feeling to go in and like, for example, like when I go in and get my hair done, I I'm like the cool young mom with Hannah, you know, because we look, I tell everybody she's my she's my sister. She says this, she thinks this. No, no.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

So there's that thing. Like you're in your 40s and your daughters are in their 20s, and it's just like, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_02 22:42

We grew up, we literally grew up together.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

And now after so life after kids, you're here, and it's like you're still only in your 40s. Your daughters are done. Like they're done. They've they've they've raised them, they're finished now. You've done your job as a parent. So you're like laughing on the other side.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

I don't know though. Is your job as a parent ever done? I don't know. You have to tell me. No.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Because I feel like as my son, like my oldest is 12, and I'm like, God, it just gets harder. I'm like, I'm worried about him even more now. Because now he's talking about the ladies, and I'm like, um.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

I see that. It's harder the older they get.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

It is.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

So there's nothing to look forward to.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

Middle school is hell.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

And Johnny's going into middle school. Oh, bloody hell. Yeah. No, I don't know if I'm ready. But yeah, I think that's another thing. So um we talk about like women, they choose themselves maybe too late, like after the kids have, you know, the empty nest is, and then all of a sudden the husband finds someone young and he's off, or he just decides he doesn't want to do this, or she just goes, I don't want to do this anymore. I want to find something for myself. And it's a lot harder the longer you wait, right? Like it's a lot harder when you're, you know, I'm 34, but it's probably a lot harder to do this and start over again when you're 54. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:53

So it's just like, um I've seen those videos, like, have you seen the divorce theory videos? It's like these women that, you know, they're in their like mid 40s, early 50s, whatever. They're older, their kids are all raised, and then their husband leaves them for a younger woman. And this the girl that's been left and she's divorced and now she's single, she literally is aging backwards because she's finally able to take care of herself.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

That's what they say. You get your years back, all the years that you dedicate to, you know, a family, because I don't care how you say it, if you're a stay-at-home mom or you're the, you know, the woman or whatever, like you're the foundation of the family nucleus. So you're literally holding it all together. So you're gonna get that time back. Yeah. If you decide later on that you're gonna, you're gonna choose, like, yeah, I I believe that fully. Aging backwards, like, yeah. You just age backwards and you get that time back that you've you've given up for someone else, that sacrifice.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

But I wonder But I also believe you can still be a mom and still take care of yourself. You really can.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

Absolutely. I I I don't think that's a good thing. You have to. You have to. Like you owe it, you taking care of yourself is the ultimate like um ode to your children, I think. And I think that's a thing. So um I want to talk about like divorce and like breaking up a family, because there is a lot of taboo around that. Breaking up a family is uh pretty, pretty shunned upon um within society.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

But I I will be the first one to say you do not stay in that relationship or that marriage for the kids. Exactly. Because that's allowed things. You have to be the best version of yourself as a mom. And if you can't be the best version of yourself as a mom in the relationship, you're only hurting the kids. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

And that's where I think I I actually made a lot of posts about this. Um, if you're not a martyr, staying for the kids doesn't make you a martyr. It makes you a liar. And um, that's it. Like you're lying. And the kids will thank you.

SPEAKER_02 25:47

The kids will get a better mom if you're happy and healthy.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

God, I know. And that's the best part. I on Mother's Day, Johnny wrote the only thing my Johnny wrote in my Mother's Day card was, I'm so proud of you, mommy. And like it makes me emotional to this day.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

It's just like that's your biggest cheerleader.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

Oh, he oh, that boy, I don't know. Guys, when I tell you this kid is literally like an angel on you. He's your angel. He is the the best thing that ever happened to me. That boy was a gift from God. His name literally means gift from God. Johnny is literally, you look it up, it means gift from God. But um, with that said, like um, you you have to be the best version of it of yourself. And if you're in an environment, if the flower doesn't bloom, do you blame the flower or do you blame the environment that it's in? The flower isn't gonna get enough, if it's not getting enough water and it's not getting enough sun, it's not gonna grow.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

No.

SPEAKER_00 26:40

So it's just like, how can you blame the flower? You need to the, you know, you gotta take accountability. You've got to be able to um own your life. And it's like, if you're not in an environment where you can't explore yourself and you can't explore what makes you happy and and try new things in your life, then where are you going? Like, what are you doing? Exactly. Yeah. So um, that's where, you know, you you weigh up the pros and cons of like um breaking up a family or whatever. But it's just like, are you really gonna live the rest of your life like resenting the people in your life because you'll do too?

SPEAKER_02 27:11

Yeah. You will you'll resent your kids, you'll resent everybody around you, you'll be jealous or envious of those other women who are either in happy relationships or happy not in a relationship, you'll you'll be jealous and envious of those those women. Exactly. When you can be happy.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Yeah, it's a choice. It really is a choice. Happiness is a choice. And it's like if you choose to play in a narrative or play in a, you know, continue to tell yourself a story like, oh no, I'm doing the right thing. You know, uh, I'm a Christian woman. I have to believe, I believe that a family can't, you can't get a divorce. You got you have to just, you know, make you make your bed, you lie in it. Yeah. And I just, I'm a big, like, I believe the complete opposite. I really do. And all my life I'd always been like, no, but this is what the right thing to do is. This is the right thing to do. The right thing to do would be to just suck it up and stay for the kids. Do it for the kids, do it right for the kids. And like that is all I ever knew. But what about you? Yeah, but what about me? You know, the second. What about what about mom?

SPEAKER_02 28:11

What about mom?

SPEAKER_00 28:12

But that's it, you know, the second you choose yourself, and you can see it, it literally, you see those glow up things when women start choosing themselves, and it's just like, holy shit, I just had to choose differently.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

And they they become, they lose the weight, they look different, they like glow. It's their skin is literally glowing. It's crazy, guys. I'm telling you. Um, you know, you can throw the term around, and like there are women that will battle us on this. Like, yeah, but you know, it's the right thing to do. Um, I stayed for the kids because I'm a good person. I'm a good mom. You know what? I I just disagree with you.

SPEAKER_01 28:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

I don't think I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna talk about like your mothering, whatever. But like if you're not happy within your soul, you can't be a good mom. You you're not I shouldn't say that.

SPEAKER_02 28:56

You can still be a good mom, but you're not gonna be that happy, healthy mom.

SPEAKER_00 28:59

You're only letting yourself your soul is going to scream at you like mine was. Like mine was screaming at me, like telling me like I was projectile vomiting. I was like, your reality will tell you this is not what I want. And you have to take that, you have to take that leap. I think taking the leap and choosing yourself is one of the hardest things. Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_02 29:19

Because I know there's once you do, you'll never look back and you won't have regrets.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

Yeah. Because I know there are women out there that are like, oh, it's easier said than done.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

And it I'm sure it is. Yeah. I I'm sure it is. It's hard. Yeah. It's hard choosing yourself. Yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

It really it's hard. Take it from an experience. I mean, you know firsthand right now. Professional, ladies and gentlemen, seasoned professional. Um, but choosing yourself is one of those things, and it's just like, when are you gonna do it? Like you're gonna have to do it. Your soul didn't come here. If it was gonna be easy, right? If everything just worked out straight away, like even in a long marriage, right? Has it been the easiest thing for you and Greg? Hell no.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

We have literally been through hell and back.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

Yeah. And hell again. And 20, 27 years coming?

SPEAKER_02 30:05

Almost 27 years, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:06

So, guys, like you've got to make the choices. Yes, you can you choose yourself, you choose your hard. Is that what that's what it is? Choose your hard. Right? So if you have this idea and you go, say you're in a relationship and you say, I want to do, I want to start a bake shop, whatever it is. I don't care what it is. And um you're not in an environment where you can freely do that or you can take time for yourself. You're so consumed in whatever it is, being the housewife, then you have to make that choice. Like if you're not gonna help me grow, if you're not gonna help me bloom um as the woman or you know, person I want to be, then you gotta make that choice. And that's a big part of choosing yourself. Is choosing how you let your surroundings like affect you. Right? Yep. Yeah. So um I I know, I know we talk about it like it's such an easy topic, but it is really, it is really a tough decision. It's hard. Yeah, like I um this is the first time I'm actually sitting on the what am I on? The seventh day without my kids, right? Because they went on vacation. And it's the first time I've ever been away from them longer than five days. And when I tell you, like, it's the guilt that comes in, and half the time I'm crying myself to sleep because I'm like, oh my God, what have I done? Like, because I've only ever known being a stay-at-home mum. This this new version of me that's now I'm going out to you know, dinner, I'm going out to lunch by myself, I'm driving to the other side of the bloody city by myself. And it's like, I'm like, it's I'm so excited about my life now. But like that guilt that pops up, and I'm like, God, it, it, I, it cost me something. It cost me something. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 32:06

And then it's also exciting for you because you can be you and you can take care of yourself and oh my god, guys. And go get your nails done and your facials and not have that guilt.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

Um, and I think that's another thing. I want to talk about this. Um, let's talk about dating on the other side of choosing yourself. That's all you. Erin's like vicariously living through me, like, oh shit, I don't want that experience.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

No, never again.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Um, no. Um, I was like, I had to reteach myself how to talk to men. I really did. I had to reteach myself because of my like um my delusion. I literally had to reteach myself how to talk to to men. And um, because like you don't know who you are. Like, you mean like I can talk to you about did you catch the latest episode of Bluey? Like, no, that's not a conversation to have with adults.

SPEAKER_02 33:00

No, like um, you know, I've never even watched an episode of Bluey.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

Yeah, but see, that's the thing.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

You're on a different time of your your Wizards of Waverly Place, I could talk about all day long. Dora all day long.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

Isn't that the case? Who's clues all day long? But these new age, that's so isn't that wild that like I have young kids, you have daughters that are way old. And this is I'm gonna be in your position one day. I'm gonna be in my 40s, and my oldest is gonna be in his 20s. Uh-huh. And like I'm gonna have that same experience, but I'm at a completely different part of my life, and I think that's what's beautiful about women. Like, we get to discover ourselves in so many different ways. And like, I can't speak for men because I don't have a dick. So there's that. So I can't relate. Um, but um, yeah, we're all at different like places in our lives. Yep. So I I have to learn how to not just focus on being a mum, because I'm so into being like I was a homeschool teacher, like completely consumed in motherhood that like, you know, having the time to do my music again, having the time to figure out what I want to do, I don't know, start a podcast with this one. It's been like it's been a very, very unique thing. It's like you're you're creating a new identity. You really are. You are. But it's fun. It's fun and it's exciting. And the the the excitement kind of outweighs the fear. And here's another thing. I um I talked about this briefly um on Instagram, but I was like, um, it's that in-between stage. You know, when you're you're so when you decide you want, you choose yourself and you decide you want something better for yourself, you're no longer a caterpillar and there's the point of no return. So when you're in the cocoon, you've literally become like mush. So you can't go back to being a caterpillar. You can't, you're not ready to be a butterfly yet. So you're in the void. And the void is one of the hardest places to be in. You're in that in-between. Yeah. And it's it's really scary. And it's really, it's not for the faint of heart, I don't believe. Like it's terrifying, but it's also just as exciting. Just as exciting. So moral of the story is you need to choose yourself. Yeah, you gotta choose yourself. You gotta choose yourself in some way or another. If you if you really want to get everything you can out of life, you gotta choose yourself. In some way or another. Yeah. Yeah. That way you can't you take accountability for life.

SPEAKER_02 35:23

And sometimes as a mom with young kids at home, sometimes it's just taking that 30-minute walk by yourself.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

Or sometimes it's just taking that bath and and being giving yourself the grace to do that. To do it, exactly. Because I feel like we're so hard on ourselves as mothers, aren't we? Let's just like, no, I I I shouldn't do that because a good mother wouldn't do that. Um, I think I used to do that so much. The only time I wasn't without my kids was when I was showering or shitting. And even then, it's so true. And even then, there's still still be like, mommy, are you done? Like that was my life. And I 12 years, homeschool teacher, um, and like gritty in it. Like, I I only knew that. Yeah. So, like when I say now, I'm on the other side of it, like I'm literally like rediscovering myself as a human, not just like a like like a woman, like as like a human. I'm like, what do I like? What do I want to do with my time? Right. And that's the the scariest part. Like, I am choosing myself. I've chosen myself. And yes, it came at a big cost. You know, now I'm no longer a full-time mom. Like I'm I'm I I had to give up that identity that I was so like like gripping to. And it's like, no, when do you decide? Like, when do you decide that you're gonna just do you? Yep. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

And you can't have that guilt.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

Yeah. So you've got to be gentle with yourself. You've got to be gentle with yourself. So give yourself the grace that you would easily give to others and say, no, I'm I'm allowed to have feelings too. You know, like you have to, you have to know that you're a good mom. And by choosing, you know what, I'm not feeling good about myself. I want to make a better choice. I think that's the best thing you can do as a woman for your children is to show them. Like, I have a daughter now, and she's all she says is, Mommy, I want to be like you. Mommy, mommy, can I when I go up, can I be just like you? And I'm like, I think that was a turning point for me. I was like, I really need to set an example.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

Set an example. Because I've what did I say to you? Like, I've said it so many times. You you're that example for your kids. Show them what's acceptable and what's not acceptable.

SPEAKER_00 37:25

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Like you're saying, yeah, you're showing them what what you will tolerate. Like you're you're showing them exactly. Yeah. Yep. So I think that's what it comes down to. Like, um, and I'm gonna go, I'm gonna just say my woo-woo thing. Ever since, and like I've of course I've gotta be woo-woo. Come on. Ever since I the day I decided, um, my daughter used to get blood noses every day.

SPEAKER_02 37:49

Sometimes we call it bloody noses.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

Blood noses. I'm an American now too, you know that. I have my citizenship. Should I talk like an American?

unknown 38:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:01

Um, no, but um, my daughter would get blood noses like three times a day sometimes. Like it was crazy. Like, I was like, something's not right here. Yeah. Do you know the second I chose myself? When was the last time she had one? She hasn't had one since. I mean, you can call the product of your environment. Exactly. You can call Woo Woo whatever you want. Um, you really can. You really can call it whatever you want. But like for me, that was a sign that I was on the right track. Because now she sees me in such a different light. She's like, she's seeing me do all these things. She's seeing me paint my garage myself and like lift boxes, like. I'm doing your own laundry. Doing my own laundry. But I'm looking at you. But I'm like, well, I grew up like that too. But like, um, but like, you know, reigniting that person that I always was. And like, she's seeing me, she's seeing me in a different light that I'm like, would I be impressed by the woman that I am today if I was her? And I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Would the five-year-old me? That's the question. Here we go. We're gonna leave it with this. Would the five-year-old version of you be happy with the woman or the person that you are today?

SPEAKER_02 39:07

Because you owe it. Or be proud of the person or the woman you are today.

SPEAKER_00 39:10

Be proud of them, yeah. Yeah. But you owe it to that five-year-old version of you to say, yeah, you know what? The five-year-old version of me would be really proud. And I can honestly say the five-year-old Schneel would be like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

I don't even remember the five-year-old Aaron, so here we are. It was that long ago.

unknown 39:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:32

No. Um, okay, anyway, thank you guys again for um always giving us support. And um, you know, this has been a really fun journey so far. I want to say, um, we also want to thank um level nine studios here in Las Vegas. This is the place where we love to um record our episodes. So coming straight to you from there. But as always, guys, you are welcome. You're welcome.