Ghosted

Ladies and gentleman, you should NEVER feel embarrassed for getting rejected in the pursuit of human connection. We've all been rejected before.. Grab your popcorn and settle in! In this episode Shaunyl finally addresses the elephant in the room and clears out her skeletons (to stay ahead of the game.) Delulu land is a place and in order to achieve anything in this life, yes.. you do have to go there.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hello everyone, and welcome to yet another episode of We Said What You're Thinking. I really like I try to like pass it over to you to like hope that she actually says. What am I gonna say? I don't know that we're supposed to be those best friends that like finish each other each other's lines, but um, okay, I'm just gonna start off. I'm so nervous about this episode. I'm so nervous. Well, it's a lot. You're unpacking a lot. Like my heart's in my throat. And guys, I don't get bloody nervous. I I don't I don't get nervous, but I think I've been like hyping this episode up in my head for a while. And like I'm I'm really excited to share it because like last episode, Erin got to reveal her skeletons and kind of dish those out to the world. And here I am. I'm gonna dish out mine. Okay, so let's just get into it. Let's just go straight into it. This one is called ghosted. Why is it called ghosted, Erin?

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Because you got ghosted.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

I got ghosted. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Hard.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

I got ghosted. Okay. And so this is where I want to start, guys. There is nothing wrong with rejection. And um, we're all human. You should never be embarrassed about being rejected in the pursuit of human connection. So this is where I want to like unleash my skeletons. Honestly, I'm just so, I'm so tired. I'm so tired of this being held over my head. Like it's the worst thing I've done. Exactly. Right now. And um basically, this is the one thing that kind of blew up my my life on TMZ last Octo last October. Has it been that long? Yeah. What are we in now? June. Yeah. So this literally was one of those things that was um basically just blew up my life. And um, it was embarrassing, it was humiliating, and I'm just so tired of it being held over my head. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna start with like a little disclaimer. I'm not gonna name names because the who, what, when, where, why, how are completely irrelevant. And um, you know, parts of this story maybe will reveal who it is. And but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's not, it could have been anyone. They were just a catalyst, they were just the placeholder, and I'm not gonna say their name because honestly, I don't need another reason for this man to tell me to up my SSRIs. So, like, okay, I'm taking accountability and I'm just gonna laugh it off because yeah, women get rejected. You know, beautiful women get rejected, beautiful men get rejected. And um, I think that's what makes us like real and authentic and human because you you shoot your shot. And I think after the backlash I had, um, not backlash, but the response that I had when this blew up online, um, I had guys in my DMs like saying, I thought I'd shoot my shot and just, you know, ask you out. And it's just like, it just made me laugh so much. And I'm like, if I can't laugh at this, then like, how is anyone ever gonna laugh at it? Like, okay, so what? If this is the worst thing I've done, then like, okay, we'll go with that. So go. What do we do? Where do we start? Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Lay it all out there. Um, yeah, but here's the thing like, this is giving you the opportunity to get it out there before somebody else does. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

I want to get it out there. Lay it out there. Exactly. Because if anything comes out of it, like it's just like, I don't want anyone to just strangle me with it anymore. Okay, so let's just get into it. Um, before we go on any further, I do want to make another disclaimer. I um I in my life have experienced emotional, physical, and verbal abuse. And I am not a victim of that. I don't ever see myself as a victim of that, and I won't ever because life is happening for you. I um I am nothing more than like the result or the consequence of that experience. And I don't live in a place where it's like, oh no, that happened to me. So this is why it happened. No, I'm literally the result of how I dealt with what experiences I had in my life, as we all are, and how I came out on the other side. So that's that's that's all we're gonna say there. We're not gonna go- It's a lesson learned. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

It's a lesson learned, and I'm and it's made you who you are today. Exactly. Like really, it has.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

It it and it's made you a stronger person, a better mom.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Yeah, and I'm not, I'm not a victim. Like, I don't believe in victimhood. And yes, there was a time in my life before my like, I'm shaking, before my like spiritual awakening, whatever you want to call it, where I was like in victim mentality, like, whoa was me, why is this happening to me? And I realize now on the other side of it, um, you know, almost five years later, I'm like, oh no, this was happening for me because I wouldn't take it back. And I am who I am today because of it and how I dealt with it. And I'm like, no, it's really good. It's really good. And you can laugh about it. And I can laugh about it. Like, guys, this story. Oh my God, like grab your popcorn, front row seats, you're getting, you're getting it straight from the horse's mouth because I don't know, if it comes that any other way, like I just feel like it's, you know, shits and giggles, who cares? Okay, so um, yes, if you guys watched episode one, you know that Erin, um, you know, she really helped get me through a really tough time in my life and helped kind of shape me into the woman I am today. But when I had given birth to my daughter, about what she'll be five in November, so almost five years ago, um, I definitely was given a piece of information by the universe, I call it that, where I had no other choice but to go within and grow. So um I grew. I went on a spiritual awakening, whatever you want to call it. Like I'm woo-woo. You're a Dululu. I know. My Dululu. And I um used it to grow, like within myself. And I um I love psychology. I love like the mind. And I think I probably read maybe over 200 books on like psychology and like how the brain works, like coping mechanisms, like, you know, your subconscious and how the amygdala can like basically run your life um in like trauma response and stuff. And for anyone who knows, like like Erin said, we all have pasts and we all go through things. And I've I've definitely had a very colorful past, you know, with my son going through cancer and dealing with that and all of the other things on top of it. Um, but I realized in that four years, like my life had become so hard for me to um be in, like the reality of it. What did we say it was? Like it was coping with my life, right? Yeah, I think it was, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Like that's why live in that life and dealing with that life.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Yeah. And then when we talk about like why I I had like turned to drinking or whatever, um, I was trying to escape my reality, like really, like escape the prison that I had kind of created for myself. I didn't want to exist as the person I wanted to that I was. And um not only was my body like physically rejecting my reality, like I think the last um in the last two years, and I don't know because we weren't um we weren't really talking um in when this happened, but I think in the last two years, I went to the hospital six times with um unexplainable stomach cramps, projectile vomiting, like my body was rejecting my reality. And ladies, this is a real thing. I don't think anyone understands it. Your body will tell you when something isn't right. And when I tell you, I would end up having crippling cramps in my stomach, vomiting like projectile vomiting. I remember one time I went to the hospital and the doctor was um, he gave me IV anti-nause, like anti-vomiting medicine.

SPEAKER_02 8:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

And I was projectile vomiting through it. That he was like, Are you sure that you weren't, you know, poisoned? And I was like, no, I'm just I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I don't know what's going on with my life. Like my body was physically rejecting my reality to the point where it was like, I was like, something's not right. Something I have to, I can't keep living in this reality. Um, and on top of that, I know now that like, you know, with my as woo-woo as I am and as Dululu as I am, I feel so serious about this. Um, I know, like, I'm very logical, I'm very tactical, I feel like I'm quite intelligent and I understand the psychology of things, and I know what kind of coping mechanisms that I had created to kind of get me through it. Yeah. And before Erin chimes in and says, No, you were delusional, like she knows how delusional I was. But like, before we get into the funny parts of it, like I just want to say it's actually kind of really sad when I think about it. And I don't even know. I feel like I'm getting emotional about it. Um my reality was so bad, so fucked up that I had to create, oh my god, I had to create a fantasy land, and this is called, um, looking into it, the psychology behind it, um, it's called maladaptive coping mechanism. And this is something I know I established way back when I was younger. And like they say, children that suffer, their environments are so unbearable that they create a fantasy land to escape to um to just get through day-to-day life. And this is me as a mother. I had nowhere to turn. I had no, I had no friends, I had no one to go to. I was literally in my closet talking to the walls. And I created this fantasy land. Oh, it's so, it's so sad and it's so stupid. Um, I'm like I said, I'm not a victim of it. I understand what I had to do, the woman I had to become to create the basically the ladder to pull me out of hell.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

I created this fantasy land, and um, it was basically just to cope with my reality and what was going on in my reality. And now we can talk about the fun stuff. Now we got the awkward emotional stuff out of it. I created a fantasy land to escape my reality. And of course, in every fantasy land, everyone has um a superhero behind that.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

Um superhero.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

Okay. The superhero, we're not gonna go into names. I will, I refuse. I refuse. But um, you know, it could have been anyone, like I said. We're gonna call him Rockstar. Yes. We'll call him Rockstar. And that's it. Um, but obviously, I think my subconscious picked him because um, because of his personality. Because he was the he's he's one of those people that just didn't give a fuck. No. Like he still doesn't. He still doesn't. He just doesn't care. And like I think my subconscious was like, no, it has to be someone like that, because he's the only one that isn't gonna be scared. Because everyone in my reality was a coward. Everyone in my reality was basically scared. And it didn't help the fact that like I'm a very headstrong woman and I I always want to protect people. And I want to, I I I fought so hard to protect myself that like my subconscious was like that one. Like, like I pick Erin, my my criminal, my ex-con, my ex-con best friend. I always say, like, I pick the ones that like are gonna give grit to the plot, right? Yeah, yeah, you can call it that. Oh my god. I remember when I told her about this like sick obsession I kind of had like created, and she's like, what was your reaction?

SPEAKER_01 12:34

I looked, I didn't really know fully who the person was. Like I did, but I didn't. And when I looked, I'm like, are you serious? Like, of all the people in the world.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Yeah, you're like, wait, really? The criminal record didn't throw you off.

unknown 12:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

I'm like, what all the red flags? I'm like, no, that one. That's the one that's gonna be my superhero. So anyway, um, yeah. So basically, I think in my subconscious, it had decided that like he was this masculine. Because of the masculine, I was so used to in my life, like that um this masculine was gonna be was gonna be the one. I love how funny she thinks this is. It's pretty funny. I I got I can't wait to share the winning line. Oh, which is okay, okay, okay. Shut up, Cheney, keep going. Um, okay, so basically, um, I picked this masculine because I was like, oh, he's the only one that's gonna have the balls to stick up for me and protect me. Honestly. That's in my in my in this little um this part of my my um my PTSD, like, or like dealing with this, I was like, no, it has to be someone that has the balls to stick up for me. So this is why my subconscious picked him. So obviously there came a time when um the Dululu actually, I don't know, I must be a really powerful manifestor or something, but the Dululu actually became somewhat of a reality.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

It did.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

And like before we touch on, guys, before you decide to reach out to your Dululu, you gotta make sure you have a tick on the account. That you cannot claim that you're talking to somebody if they are not verified. Like if it's you have to explain what tick means because not everybody looks at that's not what everybody looks like. I'm a millennial. She's not are you a millennial? No. No, no, Erin's not a millennial. I'm a millennial. Okay, so if you're gonna talk to somebody, um, like if we're talking celebrity status or whatever it is, whatever that means, um, you probably should look for the verification on the account. Yeah. I don't know. What do they call that? Common sense? Is it is it common sense? I would call it common sense. I would call it common sense. I think that's where like I know that I'm not um insane because I um it's a tick you gotta look for. You're not gonna you're not gonna get a message from C473 Um dot com and go, that's them. Like that's definitely Kevin Costner. That's definitely him. No, that's definitely Machine Gun Kelly. Like I'm definitely talking to that person and it's not a verified account. Like, come on, ladies, like have some decency. And I mean, you know what? Maybe Dululu is a lot of us live in Delulu, but I definitely lived in Dululu, but is it Delulu or is it you trying to escape your reality? Both. Okay, we say Dululu, and I feel like this term pops up on social media so much. Dululu is like a place where I feel like you have to go when you're manifesting. Like if you're building a business, right? Say you're building a business or you believe you're going to be the next gold medalist in something, there has to be a huge amount of Dululu there. Like as in self-belief that hasn't, this reality isn't, isn't a fact yet. So you have to yet, but you have to put yourself in a place where you create Deluland and you believe that that is so. So this is where there's that fine line between, yes, okay, there's Delulu where it's like, no, I'm talking to um Brad Pitt online on cc73.com. And like, so that's like, that's just bloody insanity. But like, then there's Dululu of like, I'm going to be this kind of person and I need to create that reality and imagine it so. Like, any, okay, I have spent so much time around some of the most successful people in the world. And I promise you, every single one of them are master manifestors, and all of them, all of them basically told me that they would envision, they would envision themselves on billboards, envision themselves doing this, envision themselves winning that, um, winning that trophy. And it's that's called Delulu. I don't care how you say it, it's Dululu.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

So I truly believe that that works, though.

SPEAKER_00 17:01

Like it 100% works. Is this story not proof of that? Guys, okay. Yeah. So here's where it gets juicy. This plot just gets thick every time. Like when I tell you, like, I don't think anyone could have written this plot. And the universe loves a good plot. I don't know what it was. But here's where it got kind of funky because my maladaptive coping mechanism, my fantasy land and my superhero, it got to this place of Dululu, and all of a sudden, where the Dululu kind of merged with reality. And so one day when um when I was in this place within my my healing time, I was in a really, really hard place for myself. Um I was like, you know what? And I'm not gonna condone this, guys. Um, you can look up on TMZ or these articles back what happened. Like, go and look it up if you want, Google it, you type in my name. It's literally the first thing that pops up. And there's nothing I can do about it. I can't erase it. Um, because the internet is forever. Um, and like I'm gonna own what I did. Not that I'm condoning what I did, but we are all human. Nobody is perfect, and um, I can't speak for anybody else's mistakes or anybody else's whatever. Like, I can only take accountability for what I have done and what I do. And um I decided to reach out via instant like DMs to this rock star. And it came at a time where I was like, you know what? Fuck it. Like I've spent so long doing all of the right things, being the most the best version that I think I can be to uphold my reality, that I was just at this point where I was just like, fuck it. Like, what do you have to lose? Exactly. What do I have to lose? I was like, what's the worst thing that could happen? So little old me. I think this actually happened, I think it was actually um a week after the the race. A week after the race um is when I first um reached out. Reached out. Yeah. And I sent him a message. This went on, it it stretched over, I want to say a few months, like like yeah, a long time.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Yeah. And like I we I'm not I I'm talking, it was the most vanilla thing.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

Like But it was like conversations back and forth for a minute. So it wasn't just you reaching out and not getting responses.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

No, no, no, okay, okay, okay, okay. Let me give the man some credit. This was me trying to make conversation with a man who lightly um engaged in it. Yeah. Like the most if someone were to read the conversations, they'd be like boring. Boring. Yeah like honestly. I bet there is more to that. We'll we'll talk about the seven-minute video too. Shit. Oh, the video. Talk about anyone owning up to their Dululu. Okay. Um, okay. So um I reached out to him, not thinking that he would reply. I mean, come on. Like he was, you know, a celebrity. I was like, you're not gonna reply to me. Like in a place of my life where I was so not confident, I didn't have any. I I honestly thought I was worthless. I really did. Like, not as a woe and me, woe is me. Like, but you can look at the pictures of me before I I I got this. Um, it was what was it? It was like an ego stroke for me. I feel like it was an ego stroke. It was like a little bit of like a wait. He replied. He replied, wait, you mean I'm pretty? Like, do you know what I mean? Like, I was so lost in this idea that I wasn't good enough for whatever reason. Um, yeah. So basically I sent a message and um he replied.

unknown 20:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

So what happens in the sense where not only have I created this um this coping mechanism and he's my superhero, now my reality is reflecting that. And I'm like, oh my God, what if he really is my superhero? And like I'm coming at this from a completely logical and like understanding psychology. Like I understand the fundamentals of how my mind was like, like at that time when I was in the deep dark hell of it, I was like, oh my God, like I'm gonna, I'm gonna be saved, I'm gonna be okay. And you literally see my physical body changing. Like, not only did like my, I feel like my face changed, my my body changed, my structure changed, everything changed. And I just became more confident. And I was like, with this, with this behind me, I'm gonna be safe. I'm gonna be safe. I'm gonna be okay. And um But I think it gave you something to like distract yourself from your reality.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Exactly. It really did. It really did. He was a catalyst, and that's all I'm gonna say. And it gives you that like exciting butterfly feeling.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

Yeah, like as if you wouldn't any girl in the world, if you have like a crush on a celebrity and you reach out to them and they respond, I don't care what you say. I don't care what you say. You're gonna put that in your pocket and you're Gonna say, mama still got it. Like that was what it was. And as sickening as it sounds, like that's the real human like human story saying I should reach out to Jason Statham and see what happens.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

Okay, guys, I just want to say here, Jason Statham, is that how you say his name? He actually does look like her husband. So she's got a type. She loves bald heads.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

I'm telling you, if he knocked on my front door, I would say, Greg, I'll be right back.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Oh shit, Greg. Greg. Guy, we're gonna do an episode too, because we gotta meet Greg. I think Greg is where you're. We'll bring Greg on eventually. Calm down, Greg. Calm down. It's not today, mate. It's not today. Um I know he's watching this going, yes, yes. He is our biggest supporter, though. Like he's your biggest supporter.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

And like 100% is the biggest supporter.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Mad respect, Greg. There you go. Okay, blah, blah, blah. Get out. Back to it. All right. So um Jason's statement. That's another thing. Who is your that's what we gotta talk about? We gotta talk. This guy was like every I think, okay. Here's where we gotta go. Before I I'm ADHD. Like, clearly, like I'm like, where are we going? This one, that one. My mind goes, This is why I guys I have a whiteboard in front of me, and I just to make sure I get my points. And you're way off. I'm way off. Um, okay, no, so but basically, um, where was the point where I'd told Aaron? I told Aaron um uh uh about my obsession. It was an obsession. It was. It was an obsession. It was, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

I almost think it was a healthy obsession for you though, because you truly needed something.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

Because you were down in the dumps.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

You were down.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

And he really did like bring a lot of joy because he was just an asshole. He's a fucking and you don't care. No, he didn't. So I it really did. It helped me. It helped me. Did he know your situation? I don't even think he knew who I was until later on. Okay. But anyway, so by this point, like I'd gotten my little um, he responded. What did I say? The first thing I said was like, hey, when is your band coming to Vegas? And he was basically like, not for a minute. Like that was it.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

And that was enough. Like the fact that he'd responded, that was enough to kind of like feed the Dululu even more. And um yeah, it kind of just kept going from there. Like I wasn't following him, but he obviously could see that I wouldn't miss a story. Like you can see who views your story, whether they're following you or not. Like it like he knew, and he was um, yeah, it it we're talking about it like this. Um I guess I did say to Aaron and like our other friend Kathy at the time. So um, Aaron and Kathy were the only ones that really knew about this this delusion that I had that was kind of helping me get through life. And um I would say to Kathy, um uh, you know, he said this to me and whatever.

SPEAKER_01 25:07

And I think she knew more about the situation than I did because at that time we weren't allowed. Yeah. We weren't really.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

Yeah. So Kathy, um, I she was like a pretty close friend of mine, and we'll say that. And we've changed her name, obviously, because um I wish her nothing but love. And she honestly did me such a big favor. And I I did say the last thing I said to her, I was like, Thank you for setting me free. And I still stand by that today. So, Kathy, thank you. I know you're watching. I know you're watching. Um, thank you for setting me free. Thank you for the support. Thank you for like you literally, I I I owe it to her for having me sitting here today talking about this like this and getting me out of a place that I I really needed to just what were her words? She said, You're blooming. And I'm like, Yeah, I'm blooming. So thank you. Thank you, Kathy. Thank you from the both of us. Like, thank you. Um, so yeah, so basically I had Erin and I would tell about this delusion, and every time I I would hear from this rock star, I would um tell Kathy.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

And um how did she react? Like, what was her responses when you were telling her?

SPEAKER_00 26:17

Very similar to yours. Like, she's like, she didn't agree that he was attractive or anything, like whatever. But um, she did agree that he was? She did not. Oh, okay. No, no. Okay. She got some sort of Santa Claus fetish. I don't know.

unknown 26:31

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 26:33

Hey, but to each their own. Like, I'm I'm not into I'm not into bold dudes. She's into Jason and her husband is bold. And um, that's her thing. We're good. Like, we're good. But um I That's why I never have to worry about you trying to steal my husband. I would never. Firstly, he doesn't have a criminal record.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

So he's used to.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

That you know her. Oh, I'm bad. Oh, this is bad. You know what? I don't care. This is who I am. Like, whatever. Like, this is this is me. And it it feels so it's actually so liberating just taking this mask off because I've had to pretend so long. But um, yeah, so anyway, uh, yeah, so she had her own thing. So she didn't agree that he was attractive either, but she didn't, she didn't tell me what I was doing was bad. She didn't say, like, you know, you probably shouldn't be talking to him. No, because I think she had a different agenda. Yeah, which we will later reveal in this episode. So anyway, I would tell her every time he would talk to me. And I remember, I think it was like a few months after this, was the first time he'd ever liked um one of my um story posts of a picture of mine. And guys, I don't care what you say. If you're a man and you're on social media and you like social media is the modern day um dating app. It's a modern day flirtation device. And if you're liking a girl's story that's like, you know, like a random girl, if you're sending a little heart on her story or whatever, that's I think that's that's flirting.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

I 100% agree.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

Yeah. So, you know, everyone can argue with that. Like, unless it's a friend or it's whatever, it's a, you know, a business thing. But like, if you're sending a heart, like, and I remember, I remember the moment this happened. And this is the first time that the the Delulu got even more worse. Like, I'm still in Dulululand using this man as my coping mechanism, as my superhero. And then um, I get I posted a picture um with a song about how I wish I was normal. It's a really cool song. Um, and I had a picture, it was a selfie of me, and I woke up that day and he had liked it. Like he'd sent a little heart on the story. I screenshotted it, I freak out, and the first thing I do is I call Kathy and I go, Oh my God. Like, I'm telling you, it was like, I don't know. I think that's the part of the um the manifestation where you're just like, holy shit, I'm doing this. It's happening. Like your reality is showing you what you want to happen in your mind. And I was like, oh my God. And I, when I tell you, I was like, like it gave me a little bit more courage to push back and you know, start the escape. Does that make sense? Like, start the escape of the reality that I was living. Like the, this, I wanna, I'm gonna underline, period, this. It was my reality that I created, the cage that I created for myself, the experiences that I created for myself and kept myself in, the loop that I kept myself in. Nobody held a gun to my head. I had created this narrative in my head of what I was living in, and that's where I was. I'm not blaming anyone else but myself. I take full accountability for the experiences and the way I I coped with them. Okay. Okay. Now that we've underlined and period spotted, dotted that. Um yeah, so that was the part where I was like, oh my God. And this is where I took it upon myself to start talking to him more. How much more though? Like, oh, I'm saying, like, if these okay, there are only two people in the world that I think actually have the screenshots of this conversation. Um so I mean, whatever. Like, you can whatever. We were talking about the most basic things. Like, um, I would just, I'm I'm a super loving person. So, like, um I think one time his his band got um, you know, something, some sort of award for something. I was like, oh my God, congratulations. Like, I just I felt so much love that I just I felt compelled to tell him and um like say how much I think he's gonna be wonderful and like great, because like in my mind, I again had created him as my superhero.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

So um anyway, um like it was So it truly was just like innocent conversations back and forth.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Honestly, I honestly think because I think he was just being really nice. I really do. Yeah. I really think he was just um like he wasn't engaging, he was really just answering me back. He didn't ask me questions. Yeah, he didn't really like um, you know, give me that kind of idea. Although when I I realized I was like, I was starting to like white knuckle like my reality. Like they say you have to let go, you have to fully trust and surrender to the universe. But I was like, um, once these signs started popping up, I was like, oh my god, I really need to get out now. You need to come and save me now. So that I started to like kind of like squeeze this whole thing to kind of see if it was gonna go somewhere. Because I was like, is this a thing? You were hoping he was gonna save you. I that's the truth. You really thought he was gonna pull you out of the way? My subconscious, my mind really thought that this man was gonna come and save me.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

And the truth is, ladies and gentlemen, nobody's save you. No one's coming to save you. Nobody's coming to save you. You have to save yourself. Like you have to save, like Erin. Like Erin went some through some pretty fucked up shit in last episode. If you missed it, catch it. She went to prison. Prison. I went to Disneyland jail, okay. Pregnant. So it's like no one is coming to save you. No one is going to pull you out of hell. And in my mind, at this part of my life, I was still in victim mode thinking that this man was my hero. But it wasn't until all of this went down and I realized I had to do this myself when life really took off. So um I got to the point where um I made it a seven-minute video of my Dululu and sent it to this rock star.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

I still haven't seen that seven-minute video. I gotta show it to you.

SPEAKER_00 32:45

I think I will show it to you. Because maybe it'll come out after this. I don't know. Maybe the world will see it. I don't know. Anyway, I've got to show it to you. But basically, the gist of it was um um I was like, I had the fun, I said to him, I have the craziest story to tell you. And he's like, Okay, I'm all wise. Like, tell me. Um, and I was like, um, I'm gonna send you a video. And he's like, okay. So I had to cut it up because you can only send like a minute at a time. Oh my god. Seven-minute video. But I mean, he watched it. He watched all seven minutes of it. So um you think he watched it.

SPEAKER_01 33:24

No, he watched it. No, he watched it.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

But it doesn't mean he watched all seven. I don't think you could not watch it. It's just like this bitch is cool. She's crazy. She's cooked. Um, but no, okay. Well, I feel like there's worse stuff online about the like, you know, angel numbers and all that stuff. And like, okay, whatever you think about angel numbers, I don't care. Like, you can make life whatever you want it to be. But I'm a firm believer in signs and synchronicities. I love that. And that's where I want to live with that. You want to live in your life and your beliefs, and I I respect that. I'm not gonna tell you you're wrong or you're crazy. Like, that's your reality. That's your reality. And that's like that comes down to like basic human like rights and beliefs. Like, that's that's that's freaking First Amendment shit. Like, you know, like what do you mean? Like, don't you can't decide that that's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 34:11

If she thinks your cyber truck is cool, then it's cool. Exactly. Exactly. Like, full stop. Let her believe that.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

My cyber truck is really cool. I don't care. She hates cyber truck. We should put a poll out on that. Oh my god. Okay, we'll put a poll out. We'll do that on one of our posts. Um. Anyways. Anyways, whatever. We'll agree to disagree. See, you can agree to disagree and still be freaking friends. So, okay, I'm not gonna talk about anyone else's beliefs, religions, whatever. It's not my thing. I don't believe what you believe, and that's just what it is. I am a firm believer in the universe, God, source, whatever you want to call it. I'm a firm believer in if you believe in the signs and whatever you decide to see, like you can make it have meaning. You can make it have meaning. Whatever you want it to be, the self-fulfilling prophecy. I see 222, 444, whatever. For me, maybe that means something. For you, maybe you're like, bloody hell, it's just 22 in the afternoon. Cool. Okay, no worries. So I a lot of when I when I first saw this guy, and I'll go into that story really quickly because I feel like I haven't shut up about this right now. But I mean, this is the episode. Um, the first time I ever saw this man, um, I went to, I was fulfilling a bucket list concert of mine. I wanted to go see a band, and um, I was single at the time, and I had two tickets, and I um wanted to go to this band show and obviously ended up taking um taking someone with me. And I went to go um that night, I knew the the main band wasn't coming on till about eight or nine o'clock, whatever. So I was like, Oh, I've got time to go and eat. So I don't know if you know me in food. I always finish my food. I go anywhere, I go to Golden Boy Delhi. She can never finish her whole sandwich. I always finish my sandwich and some because I love my food. I love my food. That's why I work out so I can eat. So I go, I order a hot dog, and for me to not finish my hot dog, you ordered a hot dog? I ordered a hot dog that night. I remember because it was a really good hot dog. It was at the Gordon Ramsay um place and it was phenomenal. So I'm halfway through my hot dog, and all of a sudden I put my hot dog down. I'm like, I need to go right now. I said, I need to leave and I have to go to watch the concert right now. I don't know why, but in that point in time, I put my hot dog down and I was like, I need to leave. I can't finish my food. Me not finish my food, wild stuff. That's unheard of. That's unheard of. So I'm already weirded out. So we go there. I've never heard of this band before, but this is a band that's opening for this other band that I wanted to see. And I shit you not, this lead singer walks out, and I my whole entire life just stopped. Never felt this before in my life. Like I shit you not. And um it happened on my angel numbers, 747, 8, or whatever. Blah blah blah. Long story short, woo-woo delulu makes a video about this this encounter and sends it to the box star. I don't think I knew this. You didn't know. I don't think I did. So basically, I tell him that um about my my Dululu numbers, my angel numbers. And then um in this seven-minute video, I tell him about the angel numbers and I tell him about how I think what he's doing is wonderful. He's a beautiful energy, and I was like, I don't know why, but I just I have this weird feeling that you're here to, you know, do something big. I basically, I think, you know, yes, the d the angel numbers were a little bit they were a little bit cooked. Okay. Like, I don't know what made me think. I think like I said, because of the Dululu, it kind of I kind of felt like safe telling this man this. I don't know why. Because I mean he did make me feel pretty safe telling him all this stuff. I don't know why. I really don't know why. Because on the outside, like people would probably be like, what the fuck? Maybe.

SPEAKER_01 38:17

But at that time in your life, yeah, I mean you needed that superhero.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

Okay, okay. So anyway, not only did I send a seven-minute video to this man talking about my Delulu angel numbers and how wonderful I thought he was, I then went on to continue the conversation and confess that I did have a crush on him. And he's like, Oh, well, yeah, you're hot. Like, fair enough. Like, you're human. And I was like, I'm I'm so embarrassed. And he was like, Well, is this you shooting your shot? And I was like, I don't know. I was like, I don't know, I don't really know what I'm doing. And he's like, Okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

It's like that time when you tell somebody, I love you, and they say, Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 39:08

No, but he was kind of like, Well, what do you what do you want from me?

SPEAKER_01 39:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

And I was like, um, I don't know. And this is where my reality was kind of like, okay, Sneel, like, what are you looking for here? And I was like, oh shit. And in this moment, not only did he ground me completely and like make me realize that, like, like, what are your intentions? Like, what were my intentions? I I don't honestly know. Um, he was basically like, this is where things kind of like shifted. And he was like, um, you know, like, let's be real here. Yeah. Cause I was like dancing around the fact like um that I didn't want to, I was like not trying to tell him, like confess that I had a crush on him, but he was like, no, like you do. That's why you're talking to me. And he was like, Why else would you be talking about it? Yeah, why else would I be talking about it? Yeah, why else? That's the truth. Like, I'm gonna take accountability there. Yeah, that's why, that's why I was talking to him. Because somewhere in my subconscious mind, I was like, no, him. I want him. So um after that, he was kind of like, like, he was like, Oh, you know I'm this age. And I'm like, yeah. And like, what do you mean? Older? You're not that much older now. Are you telling me no? Yeah, I'm like, what? Like, and now now my this is where the Dululu and the the like the 3D and the Dululu were kind of like like what the right, like it was like all like what the shit is going on. And um, yeah, I then confessed that I wanted him. And not only did I get rejected, I think this is a part where it's gonna give it away. So um, if this gives it away, if you know, you know. I'm not gonna say, but um, I then went on to say the winning line to get me ghosted by using his old band's name in my like pickup attempt. Oh, Erin, I'm shaking. I can't say we say what you say? Do we say it? We gotta say it because there's more to this story after this. Okay, so the winning line that got me ghosted. I went on to say to this man, I said, Well, you can't escape this fate.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

Dun dun dun.

SPEAKER_00 41:38

Dun dun dun. Um, and uh he left me on red, and uh yeah, that was it. Black delete. So I got rejected and made a complete full, like I already had made a full out of myself sending a video to this man um talking about angel numbers. I then sealed the deal by saying, by using his old band's name and saying something creepy as fuck. Like, and I was like, I tried backtracking, I was like, it was a joke, I'm sorry, like I didn't, and he was not like You mean that did nothing for you? It was seen, seen, seen. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna do it. Hello. I'm gonna disappear now. But okay, so here's the moral of the story, guys. It's okay to uh get rejected. I feel like there are men out there that have walked, I have been with supermodels and watched men come up and say, You're beautiful, can I get your number? And then say, Oh, sorry, no, I have a husband. Like, we men get rejected all the time. Right. Like men get rejected all the time, and it's just like, um, and so what? Right? So what? Like I own that. I did that. And if I'm I'm so I don't I don't want it held over my head anymore. So um I just feel like putting that skeleton to rest and like closing that door on that story. But I do want to talk about um how much more the plot thickens here. And the plot gets really thick. It gets thick. It's really thick. And okay, maybe parts of this might not be um like like it may not make sense, but um, we're not gonna name drop again because the thickness of this plot is wild. So we we're gonna backtrack to Kathy. Backtrack into Kathy. So every time I would tell Kat um, I would talk to this rock star, uh, Kathy was the one person who knew everything that I was saying. So Kathy is one of those people, she was also friends with um another woman in a similar situation of mine, um, who actually was um catfished by this same rock star, apparently.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 43:40

Okay, so now here's where the this is where it's gonna get really wild. Like get your buckle up on the roller coaster because I don't know if we can even process this. And maybe it's not completely a hundred percent factual because um, but this is really like it it does make a lot of sense. It really does make a lot of sense. It does. Because um, two weeks or a few weeks after this happened. Because like I said, Kathy was the only one that I had told, besides Erin. Kathy calls me after this had died in the ass and says, Oh, my friend, we'll call her Barbara. Whatever. We'll call her whatever. She is somewhat of a public figure too. But she's um Kathy's friends with this girl who also happens to have a um husband that is Greek that looks a lot like, you know. Yes. Yes. Yes. So um I think that's a bit weird, firstly. So anyway, so Kathy calls me out of the blue and says, Oh, did you see that Barbara got catfished by the rock star? And I was like, What? What? That's weird. When? What? Why? Who? Who is she? This is really strange to me. So I I go and look and I'm like, oh, that's really wild. And I'm like, but why would she not know that you need to look for a tick? Right? I'm like, that's common sense. Like she's smart. Obviously, I think she's smarter than that. But anyway, that's besides the point. Kathy is the one thing that me and Barbara have in common, as well as this rock star, right? And I'm like, I said to Kathy, I'm like, you know, this plot's a little bit too thick for me. I don't really something. Something's super catfishy right here. Yes. And all of a sudden she starts backtracking. And then I get another piece of information from another friend, uh, uh, a an acquaintance of ours, the the one who Kathy told me to go to this man's concert with. With. So 10 months later, after all this had I thought died in the ass, I decide to go to this man's concert, this rock star's concert. And she's like, I've got a friend you should go with. Like, I was still friends with Kathy at this time. And she was like, You should go with my friend so and so and so. And I was like, Okay, whatever, we'll go. So I take this other friend to the concert, and she says to me, Do you know what's funny? Kathy just randomly said, Oh, she has a friend who enjoys ruining marriages for fun. And I was like, What a strange thing to say. And I'm like, why would somebody want to be friends with somebody that likes to ruin marriages for fun? I was like, Kathy's really strange. So I start getting a little bit weirded out by Kathy. So when I'm at this concert, did you say the whole time? I say it the entire time. Okay. Of course I like, I mean, whatever. For me, it was just, it was all symbolic and it was enjoyable. Um, but like I I have to I have to dance around some of this this stuff here because I don't think I can go into any more detail on that. But basically, um me and Barbara had a couple of things in common. We had this rock star in common, and we also had a friend in common, Kathy. And the plot was just way too thick. And I remember a point where Kathy was like to me, Oh, do you have Snapchat? And I'd be like, No, I only have it so that my kids can use the filters.

SPEAKER_02 47:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:13

So, um, and I was like, Yeah, but no. And she's like, Oh, okay.

unknown 47:16

Why?

SPEAKER_00 47:17

And and Snapchat was what Barbara got catfished on. And I'm not making any speculations. I know that there's a whole case going on with that. I know they've, I think they've already found the woman that did it or whatever. I don't I don't know. I I it there's no more about it. But it would be a really interesting, really interesting fit because I was like, wait. Why would who like Kathy would know exactly what to say because it would have to be whatever was said to Barbara would have had to have been pretty convincing for her to believe that it was this rock star. And if you know somebody that's actually talking to the rock star and you're knowing exactly what they're saying and how they say it, wouldn't Kathy then know what to say to Barbara? Dun dun dun. Anyway, that's all that's all a little bit, yeah, that's a little bit of food for thought. I think that's a little bit of food for thought, right? Yeah. Like I'm not making any accusations, I'm not saying anything, but like, I mean, that's a pretty thick plot. That's a pretty thick plot. But anyway, let's just say this. We're not friends with Kathy anymore. And like I said, I wish her nothing but all the best. Um, 10 months later, she actually was the one I did find out that decided to call TMZ on my life. Yes, Kathy. I know it was you because um a good friend of mine told me. And um, thank you. Not me. Not you, not wasn't me. I know. We know that I've only got one friend, but no. Um, the the one that I actually went to the concert with was the one who was like, oh yeah, Kathy said that TMZ called her. And I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_01 49:02

Who's she? Does TMZ even know who she is?

SPEAKER_00 49:04

No. So um I think that was her confession of saying that she was the one that called TMZ. So, like I said, Kathy, if anyone's asking, I I know there are people out there that know who Kathy is. Um, that's why I'm not friends with her anymore. She was the one that called TMZ on my life and um had a giggle about it. And that was that was like one of the hardest things in my life. And um, I'm glad that it was gossip for you. It was it was good tea for you, but that was my life and my family that you decided to call TMZ on. And um like I said, thank you for setting me free. And I wish you nothing but love. There is nothing that you will ever you will never make me anything like you because I am not you.

SPEAKER_01 49:50

You are not her.

SPEAKER_00 49:51

Yeah, we're not the same. We're not the same.

SPEAKER_01 49:54

You're not even on the same level.

SPEAKER_00 49:55

Not in like a not in a stuck up way, but like I had a friend, she called TMZ on my life, and um, I think that hurt the most. More than like any of it. Like my life blew up on for the world to see, and it was humiliating, and it wasn't half of it wasn't even true, and um it was one of my best friends that called TNZ and watched my whole life go up in flames publicly. Like as if I hadn't been through enough, you know. And she was the the friend that you were she was the only friend I was allowed to have. She was the safe friend that was allowed to be at my house and everything. So I And around your kids. And around I let her around my kids. Whoa. I think that hurts more than um any other kind of betrayal. That's a pretty hardcore betrayal to call TMZ on your friend's life. But anyway, it was entertaining for me, and the plot was wonderful. I'm doing it for the plot. I'm gonna read my book at the end of my life, whenever that may be, and I'm gonna say, bloody hell, what a ride. And um, well, the only thing I have to say to you, Kathy, is thank you. Thank you. Yep. Here's the here's my problem. And I think I was listening to this in um in Bunny's book. Um, um, we love Bunny. Shout out, shout out to Bunny. Shout out to Bunny. Um, I was painting my garage and I was listening to Bunny, and she said this part in her book, and she was just like, she always made excuses for everyone else and what they did to her or what happened. And I was like, I'm I'm I'm catching myself right now because I'm like, um I'm trying to make excuses for people. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 51:49

But there was no excuse for this. No, there was no excuse. Why? Yeah, especially knowing the situation you were in. Yeah, very true. Knowing the life that you were living and the situation you were in. Why? Why would you do that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:12

Yeah, why? Why, um I don't know. I don't know. And I don't think I I need to know, I don't need to make excuses for anyone anymore. I think that's a big part of it. We're not making excuses for anyone anymore. We're not we're not trying to find reasons to justify why people do things. Like, we're all in charge of our own actions, right? Yep. You can't blame anyone else. Like it's me. I I'm taking full accountability accountability for what I've done, what what I did in my life to bring on the consequences that I have. And I'm not blaming anyone. I'm not saying this per if this person didn't do that and this person didn't say this, maybe it wouldn't have whatever. No, I take accountability for what I did. Like I take accountability for my life.

SPEAKER_01 52:55

Right. And like you said, you have to thank her for it at the end. Because look what it's done for you. Absolutely. Truly set you free.

SPEAKER_00 53:03

It really did. God, that's why people are catalysts, guys. Everything in your life can be a catalyst. And um, when the signs and synchronicities are there and you feel it within yourself, like I said, the signs were there. My my physical body was rejecting my reality, my emotional body was rejecting my reality. That all of the things that conspired to get me here on this couch today had to happen. Maybe it wasn't the most glamorous way for it to happen. Maybe a lot of it was humiliating, maybe it a lot of it was really heartbreaking and hard to deal with, but yeah, what a ride. Mate. Mate. Okay, that was a bit of a long one. Um, I really just wanted to get that out there, guys. And I'm so, I'm so grateful that we have this and we've created this to kind of like share these kinds of things. Um this was a really this was a hard episode for me, and um I I I'm being completely vulnerable with this, putting this out there. And um, whatever comes from it, you know, comes from it, whatever doesn't, doesn't. But I just needed to get that out there and over and done with. But um, we have a really exciting next episode coming up. So um which one is it? I don't know. She doesn't know. She doesn't pay attention to my notes, clearly not. But thank you again for listening. And like always, you are welcome.