The Felon

We all have a past.. but it doesn't define us, it only shapes up into who we are today. In this episode, Erin opens up about what life looked like after  going to jail pregnant, facing an uncertain future, and what it really took to start over. It’s an honest conversation about mistakes, resilience, and rebuilding a life one step at a time.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:07

Hello everyone. Welcome to another episode of We Said What You're Thinking. You're welcome. Welcome back. Um, so we have a really exciting episode today. Today, this one we're gonna call it the Felon. The felon. Bit of a stripped-down naked version of Erin Caltech. You know, she's not so pottery barn, little Miss Pottery Barn over here. You walk into a house and it's like, bloody hell, did I just walk into a pottery barn? We've got farmers market over here, there's cows everywhere. But obviously, we all we all have a story, and I feel like Erin's story is one of those that is super inspiring. And I love her for it. And I just think it's the coolest part about her. Oh, look at her, she's getting upset. I think it's freaking awesome. And like, you know what? This is where it comes down to second chances, right? Second chances fucking matter in the world. And like my best friend has like literally turned her life around and just become, oh, look at her, she's tearing up. Can we get a zoom in on the we don't need to zoom in?

SPEAKER_00 1:17

I don't crack.

SPEAKER_04 1:18

No, but like it's what makes her hurt, and you know, she's overcome it. And um, like we say, felon, like felon no more, though. Felon no more. Um, okay, here's a little bit of a congratulations. Congratulations to Erin. She just received her pardon.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

And um, this is what, 20, 20 something years? It was 99, so 27 years. 27 years.

SPEAKER_04 1:44

Oh, I'm gonna get emotional, but she got her fucking pardon. She got her fucking pardon. Like, we're talking clean record, completely new woman, new life. And this just happened, what, a month, like two, three weeks ago?

SPEAKER_00 1:57

I got the I got the phone call. Um, it's been about two weeks now, two and a half weeks. Two weeks.

SPEAKER_04 2:04

Okay, okay, okay. We're we're keeping all the good parts. Okay, we've got to go into this now. This is this is obviously um, this is Erin's story, and I really want to, you know, dive into it in a way where it kind of shows a real life, a real life human spirit, inspiring, kind of shifted your life around kind of story. And I feel like that's what draws me into people. If we could go into the the let's not go into what, but like I pick the ones that have like, whether it's a criminal record, they've gone to jail, or they they do something bad. I pick those ones and I go, no, I want that one. I want the mug with the crack in it. Give me that one. Like, I think that's what it is. So let's go into it. Okay, okay. So we've got the beautiful HR lady. She's beautiful, blonde, like beaming full of life, but obviously we all have a background. And maybe we'll just I think everybody has a background and a past.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

It may not be as not me. I'm vanilla. Whatever. It may not be as sparkly as mine, but I think everybody has a past and a background. Yeah, something to overcome. I also believe that your past and your background make you who you are. Absolutely. They build who you are.

SPEAKER_04 3:14

Yeah. They don't have to define you, but they can definitely show the world how you overcame it. So let's not beat around the bush. Erin went to jail.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

I did. I went to jail. Erin went to jail. Not only did I go to jail, I went to jail pregnant. She went to jail pregnant. Like But in my family, we call it summer camp. I went to summer camp. Summer camp. What is that thing your daughter said?

SPEAKER_04 3:35

What is what does Hannah say? She says you were womb in your womb? Like prison shell bunnies?

SPEAKER_00 3:41

No, she said she says we went to jail together or prison together.

SPEAKER_04 3:44

Prison together. Because I was pregnant. How old is Hannah now? 25.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

25.

SPEAKER_04 3:48

25. So Erin's beautiful. She has two beautiful daughters. They are stunning. Stunning. They're in their 20s, like the same age as me. I'm still in my 20s. No. You're 34, Chanel. That's what I say when people say they're like, oh, I have a daughter. She's like 23. I'm like, me too. I'm like, on a way.

unknown 4:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:06

Plus 12. Plus 12. That was a bit ago. But um, yeah, so go. You were pregnant and you're in jail. She was pregnant.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Well, you gotta get the whole story. You need the whole No, that's it.

SPEAKER_04 4:16

Mic drop the end of story. Go. Jail pregnant.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Um I don't even know how to start it. 1999. So I was working, I lived in Summit County, Colorado. And if anybody knows anything about Summit County, that's like ski resort, Breckenridge, Keystone, you know, in the middle of the ski areas. So it's very, a very ritzy part of Colorado. Um, and at the time I was working at an auto-body shop. I had no business doing what I was doing. How old were you? Um 99. So I was 20? 20, okay. 19, 20. Um, and he had me in charge of everything, like money coming in, money going out. I mean, how could you not trust a face like that?

SPEAKER_04 5:08

Wasn't she Miss Colorado or something? Pageant lady.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

We'll get there. Pageant lady. So I was in charge of all of his, you know, bookkeeping, basically. And one day he's like, you know what? Let's go up to the bank and I'll put you on my all the accounts. And I was like, okay. Like at the time I was like, whatever, okay. And then I was one day I was like, oh shit. Like, I'm in charge of all of this money.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Yes. So what I started doing was I would just go up to the bank and I would deposit money, but then I'd also fill out a withdrawal slip. And it's like, huh, let's see how much I can get away with. So I think the first time I think it was like $500 I took. I honestly can't remember. It may have been more. It definitely wasn't less, but it may have been more.

SPEAKER_04 5:52

Did you feel guilty at the time?

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Like, were you like I did, but I was like, you you kind of get that like that thrill, that rush. It was like, oh shit, I got away with it. And then it Okay, so anyways, so I would do that. And it was like a little bit here, a little bit there. And it was over like six, seven months I was doing this. And um he he wasn't questioning anything, so I just kept doing it. It's not like I was buying food to put on the table because I had six kids.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

It was I'm gonna go to Denver and I'm gonna go shopping.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

And and so that's what I would do. Like I'd just go to Denver and I'd go shopping, or you know, I'd go shopping there or whatever. Like it yeah, so that's what I did.

SPEAKER_04 6:33

You were young, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Young not that I'm justifying it, guys, but I was in a position I shouldn't have been in as far as the job goes, but I was also living with my boyfriend at the time. So I was in that situation that I never should have been in. Um, my parents were living in Summit County, and when I graduated high school, they my dad had a job opportunity to move here to Vegas, and so they came to Vegas, and I was like, I'm not going, I'm staying here. I'm an adult. And uh really they they'll tell you today, like, well, you were 18, I couldn't stop you from staying. Yeah, yeah. So I moved in with my boyfriend, and it was a situation I never should have been in. Like I was not mature enough, I was not ready to be in any type of relationship or situation like that. So there I was, and um, the guy that owned the body shop started questioning things a little bit, and I could kind of cover it up, like, oh, well, we're waiting on this checker, we're doing the whatever. And he didn't really question. Well, he didn't really question it any more than that. Well, then it came to the point. Well, and at this time, I'm also getting ready to do the Miss Colorado pageant. And in Summit County, they have this, it's called the Summit Daily News. So it's just like their daily free newspaper that they put out every day. And they saw that I was doing getting ready to do the Miss Colorado pageant. And so they wanted to do an article on me. And I was like, oh, of course. So they do this article on me, like talking about how I'm getting ready to do the pageant. And this was in, I believe it was September when that article came out. August or September. So that article comes out.

SPEAKER_03 8:08

Set up.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

Yes, yes. So there's that going on, and I'm doing all of that prep work, and then I'm also doing the side stuff on the side, you know, embezzling money like it's no big deal.

SPEAKER_04 8:20

All by all by the age of 21. She doesn't fuck around.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

So um the guilt started getting to me, and I was like, I I can't keep this. I was scared. You know, I'm 19, 20 years old. I'm scared. And and so I turned myself in. And Oh, you did. I did. I turned myself in.

SPEAKER_04 8:41

Um see, I'm learning stuff too. I didn't know she turned herself. I thought for some reason I thought you got caught, but no, she looked see, she turned herself in.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

So I turned myself in and he went to the police and was like, you know, what are my options? And he isn't the one that pressed charges. The state is actually the one that pressed the charges. So the state picked up the case. So your boss wouldn't have He had no intention of pressing charges. So the state, he wanted his money back.

SPEAKER_03 9:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

And so he's like, you know, what are my options? Well, so that's when the state picked up the case and, you know. You did a bad thing, girly. You're going to jail. Put me in handcuffs, and I was like, ooh, now what? Shit. Like it.

SPEAKER_04 9:19

So this was scary as a 22-year-old.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

I was so scared, but I'm like, what is happening right now? Like, what am I doing? Like, what, you know, and I had no family there.

SPEAKER_04 9:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

The guy was living.

SPEAKER_04 9:30

How was that cool? Like, you had obviously had to call your parents. How was that cool?

SPEAKER_00 9:33

It wasn't fun. And mind you, like, I grew up in a very strict LDS Mormon family. So, like, we were at church every Sunday. Yes. Our clothes were ironed.

SPEAKER_04 9:46

When I say, is this not the root?

SPEAKER_00 9:48

No, I'm joking. So, like in in Summit County, the the um the Mormon population is not very big. So my parents were well known out there because of, you know, being LDS and living out there. And the sheriff out there was Mormon and he knew my family. And so, in fact, I think he, I could be wrong, but I think the sheriff called my dad before I even had a chance to call my dad. Oh shit. Yes. So again, very small town.

SPEAKER_03 10:20

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

And I came from Southern California to Colorado. So very small.

SPEAKER_04 10:25

Everybody knows everybody.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

Everybody knows everybody.

SPEAKER_04 10:27

So everybody knew before your parents probably actually found out. Before I knew a Christy little beautiful blonde lady.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

Yes. So that was not a phone call I wanted to tell her. And then, mind you, remember I'm doing the Miss Colorado pageant. The next day after I was booked, and I a friend of mine helped me post bail. Um the Summit Daily News had another article.

SPEAKER_04 10:56

Page and Queen. Oh, we're gonna put this in here. We're gonna put this in the video of the articles.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

And I can't remember the title of the article. Like Miss Colorado, hopeful, charged with felon. Paging queen something gone. Yeah, something like that. Inmate. Yeah. So then I'm like mortified. Just mortified. So a friend of mine, we went around to try and get all these papers so nobody would see them. Because I was just mortified. It was on the news in Denver. Like it was, it was everywhere. I and it was like embarrassing. Yeah. It was yes, I was humiliated.

SPEAKER_04 11:31

And you turned yourself in. Like you knew you did something wrong, and you turned yourself in. And obviously, you know, you're not gonna get away. People are gonna make you yes. They're gonna put you on.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

I'm so glad that social media was not a thing then.

SPEAKER_04 11:43

Yeah, way back then. Back when she was a chance.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Back in the olden days.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

I don't even think. I think in 99 I was eight.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 11:51

I don't even think I could read if you were in the article. No, I'm joking. Um, so that's wild. That's really wild. Then what happened? So you were pregnant though. Wait.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

I wasn't. So this was this was October of '99, October, November of 99. And I'm trying to, you know, be a big girl and an adult and try and figure this out on my own. Well, obviously, I got fired from the job. And then obviously no one's gonna hire me at that point. So I can't find a job.

SPEAKER_04 12:19

And and what, you're just waiting for your like I'm new to this. So I have waiting for your court date. Is that what it is?

SPEAKER_00 12:24

I had one court date and I can't afford an attorney, so I have this goofy public defender who probably just graduated law school, has no idea what they were doing.

SPEAKER_04 12:35

Yeah, yeah. And which you're thankful for.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

No, I'm not. Um went to the judges and was like, hey, you know, she clearly can't get a job here. You know, can she move to Las Vegas where her family is? And so it also got me the opportunity to get out of the relationship that I was in. I needed out of that relationship. So the judge said, yes, we'll grant her she can move to Vegas. We need to know exactly where she's going, who she's living with, all of that. And I could not leave Vegas. So that was that was the stipulation of me coming to Vegas. So my dad drove in the middle of the night from here to Colorado.

SPEAKER_04 13:18

And just for context, this relationship that you had to get out of was a pretty horrible. It was not, yeah, it was not a good thing. It was, you know. Yeah. I feel like all of us women, we go through a relationship that we should have left a long time ago. And this was that for you.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there was a lot of, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:34

A lot of shit.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

A lot of yeah. Um so the judge granted me permission to come to Vegas, and so that's what got me out to Vegas. And the stipulation of me moving in with my parents was, and mind you, here I am, I'm trying to be this big adult, and now I have to run home to mom and dad, and I'm, you know, dealing with all of this legal stuff. And they were like, Well, you have to go to church if you move back in with us. And I'm like, Okay, church or homeless, so I'll take church. She's such a good girl. So I moved back in with my parents and had to travel back to Colorado a few times for court dates. And then in the meantime, I met my husband at church.

SPEAKER_04 14:17

Your husband now, Greg. We love Greg, who she's still with now. But he knocks her up right before she's gotta go to jail. Like, what kind of a dude does this? Knocks her up knowing she's gonna go to jail. No, I guess you didn't know you would go to jail.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

I didn't. My even like my public defender was like, they're not gonna put you in jail. Like, this is your first offense. Like, there's no way you're going to jail, but you have to come back for these court dates. So I was like, all right. So in the meantime, I meet Greg, and two weeks after we meet, actually, the day after we met, we went and looked at engagement rings. Two weeks after we met, we went through the drive-thru downtown and got married.

SPEAKER_04 14:53

Oh, that's soulmate shit. So that's crazy. I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:57

Why don't I know that?

SPEAKER_00 14:58

I don't know. Because that was probably a conversation you weren't really listening to.

SPEAKER_04 15:01

I wasn't interested in it. You were like, whatever. Give me the felony.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Like, what you mean you're in you were in prison pregnant? Like, so you had the husband. Yeah. So that happened. So we got married really quick. And the day we met, like he came over to my parents' house and he's like, lays out everything he's got going on in life. And I'm like, well, I may be going to jail. I don't know, but I could be. And he was like, cool. Like, we'll figure it out. He's like, I accept you for whatever you have.

SPEAKER_04 15:27

Oh. Yeah. All right. Snaps for Greg. Snaps for bloody Greg. Okay, whatever. Um shit.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:36

So then you're married.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Double wide trailer that's like creaking, and I'm like, what is happening? Trailer park.

SPEAKER_04 15:45

So she did live in a trailer park. That is correct. You are, you did guess correctly looking at this woman. She did live in a trailer park. Oh man. So then you get pregnant. Right away. Right away. Like I was never feezed on you when you were pregnant.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

Yeah. And growing up, I was never, I grew up with all brothers. So I wasn't like a girly girl. I was a girly girl to an extent, but like I wasn't a very girly girl.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

She's not a girly girl.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

I never wanted kids. She's a bro. And she ends up with daughters. I never wanted kids, and here I am, I got knocked up. Like right away. Right away.

SPEAKER_04 16:22

And so then what was it like finding out that you were gonna like that you were pregnant? And then like with this big dark thing over you, like how was that?

SPEAKER_00 16:33

It was scary because I'm trying to rebuild my life, and I still have this, you know, on the sidelines, like, okay, I could be going to jail, and but I don't know. And I'm trying to trust this attorney.

SPEAKER_04 16:46

I just met this wonderful guy, I'm married, now I'm pregnant. Yes. And I did it take away from like finding out you're pregnant, like having that dark cloud over you. I guess it wasn't. Oh, the dark cloud followed me forever. Yeah, it would have taken away a lot of those like memories for you.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Yeah. It definitely did. That's and so I went back and forth to Colorado for a couple court dates, and then um, I think it was June of 2000. Did they use that in your defense that you're pregnant now? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And the guy that I I embezzled the money from. Now, let me okay. So the guy that I embezzled the money from, he went to my sentencing and he's like, look, don't put her in jail. Like, she you put her in jail, she can't pay me back. You put her in jail, like it's not gonna do any good.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

And the judge just handed it to me. Just handed it to me. Really? Yep. And he said, he's like, you weren't putting food on the table for your kids. You weren't like trying to find a home to live in or whatever. He's like, you were out frivolously buying things that you didn't need.

SPEAKER_04 17:46

And we put it out as a way to make sure that you would pay and never do it again. Yep. Even like the fact that you you came clean on your own. Nothing.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

And everyone was like, oh my, in fact, I flew out for my sentencing. Greg stayed here. I flew out for my sentencing, and I had a plane ticket to come home that same night. Like But you were just locked up right then and there. Right then and there.

SPEAKER_04 18:10

How did that feel? Okay, let's go into this. Okay, because like I feel like I lived such a vanilla life. Like hearing stories like this, I'm just like, oh no, tell me more. Like, what do you what was that like? How does that feel? Like, I want to know, like, with that mindset of thinking, oh, you're gonna be fine, everything's fine. Like what? They just put you in cuffs and take it off then and then right then. And I have How far along were you in your pregnancy?

SPEAKER_00 18:31

Um like four months, five months. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

And so what? They sentenced you for how long? So I was sentenced to 60 days. Um I was sentenced to 60 days and then a five-year suspended sentence. So I served 58 days because I got two days good behavior. So I really only had to serve 58 days.

SPEAKER_04 18:58

What is a suspended sentence though? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 19:00

So like if I mess up again, so I was I also got five years promo.

SPEAKER_04 19:04

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

So um if I mess up in that time, I'll have to go back and serve the five years. And if I don't pay my restitution, I had to so I embezzled eighteen thousand two hundred dollars and I they tacked on interest to that. So I ended up having to pay back twenty-five thousand dollars. Fair and I had to have that paid back within the five years of the time I got released, and my probation was up. Oh shit. So I was on probation for five years. I couldn't, I couldn't go on vacations without letting my probation. I never even met my probation officer.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Ever. Like I just had to call or email, like, hey, I'm gonna go to California. This is the address I'm gonna be at. This is how long I'm gonna be gone. Here's a phone number of the place.

SPEAKER_04 19:50

Yeah. So like really. And so you were in jail for 58 days, you said, with while pregnant. And what was that like? What's it like in jail?

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Well, okay, remember this is Summer County, Colorado. So it's like we call it the Disneyland jail. Like it was You had a nice bed. It was a I mean, I wouldn't call it a nice bed, but since I was pregnant, I got two mattresses on my little bed instead of just one clip. Did you have a roommate? So they never put roommates in with me because I was pregnant.

SPEAKER_03 20:20

So they were like fucking ghetto before. No, no, we're not putting any. If we want to punish someone, we will put them with you. Yeah, I'm joking.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Yeah. There was one night I had a roommate and she came in like in the middle of the night, and she was coming off heroin. So she was on methadone. So I don't know if you know anything about that, but it's like she's puking up tar. Like it is disgusting. The smell is horrible. And she was only in there for a few hours and then they got her out of there. But I didn't really have roommates. There was one night a girl that I went to school with came in for DUI and she's like, Erin. And I'm like, hey. Yeah. But like we weren't, we were able to, we weren't locked in our cells. The only time we were actually locked in the cells was at night.

SPEAKER_04 21:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

So we were free to roam in like the little common areas and stuff.

SPEAKER_04 21:05

What did you do? Like make friends?

SPEAKER_00 21:06

I read books, which I'm not a reader. I read books, like played cards. They finally forced me. I slept as much as I could because I just wanted it to be over.

SPEAKER_04 21:15

Yeah, yeah. So did Greg come and visit you? No. Okay, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He didn't come and visit his pregnant missus in jail. I didn't sorry.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

You have to remember, like, we were like poverty. Like oh yeah, the trailer. Yeah. Remember trailer? Trailer. Poverty. Got it. And I didn't want him to come see me. Like I was okay. I I had just met the dude and here I am knocked up and in jail like four months later.

SPEAKER_04 21:44

Like your wife, oh you just got married? Yeah, she's in jail. She's doing time.

unknown 21:49

Fuck.

SPEAKER_04 21:50

Shit. You picked a good one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

He really did, though. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:54

That's hardcore. So, okay. So before we go outside, because

SPEAKER_00 22:00

I was like I I did not want to I just wanted to sleep through the So it was like once a week they said Erin, you've got to go outside. So like we had this like area that we could go out and see this guy for a few minutes and then I just went back inside.

SPEAKER_04 22:15

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

But I couldn't get a job, like 'cause you know, there's like I couldn't work in the kitchen or the laundry area or anything like that because I was pregnant, so I was a liability.

SPEAKER_04 22:24

So shit. So you just had to just hang out.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 22:27

And did you talk to the the officers? Like, what is it like?

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Like they were so nice. They like most of them were so nice. The sheriff came in one, you know, they got to do the cell shakedown and make sure I don't have any drugs in there.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:38

That happened, I think, once or twice, and the sheriff came in and he's, you know, asked if I was doing okay.

SPEAKER_04 22:43

And did they give you like prenatal checks and stuff?

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Like, oh, yes. Yes. They did.

SPEAKER_03 22:49

So you got free care for like all of like your pregnancies and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

That's pretty that's pretty cool. So I went, this is mortifying. Again, I'm in since I was pregnant, I was in a two-piece set. So I was in the black and white stripes. Like actually? Yes. Do we have a picture of this? No. Damn it. No, no picture. Damn it. Damn it. But I went to Vale, which I don't know, for anybody who knows Vale, Colorado is very high-end, very ritzy's ski area. And I go to their medical center and I'm in handcuffs and shackles, and everyone's looking at me like, oh my gosh. Yeah. It's crazy. Mortifying.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

They probably mortifying.

SPEAKER_00 23:23

She looked like she killed somebody.

SPEAKER_03 23:25

She's doing hard times.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Holy shit. So I I had that one appointment when I was there. They did an ultrasound just to make sure the baby was okay and like just a quick checkup. And dang.

SPEAKER_04 23:36

So by the time you got out, you were how long?

SPEAKER_00 23:39

I got out in August and I was due in December.

SPEAKER_04 23:42

So shit. That is. See, okay. So it's just like, so how was your first pregnancy? How was your mine was nice, you know, had McNuggets, like whatever. Here's the Winter. Like, tell me that's not a freaking wild story. Like, that's a freaking wild story. Yeah. And that's where I say, guys, second chances matter because yes, like you were obviously in there, but you weren't, you weren't like you were pity party too. You're like, you're like, fuck, what have I done with my life?

SPEAKER_00 24:11

Yeah. Oh yeah. Like, and I had a lot of time to think like, what am I doing? Like, what do I want in life? Like, what am I doing? Because kind of like when you sat me down, you're like, what the fuck are you doing? Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

And so here's where Erin and I relate. Okay. And I want to relate this because it's just like, we may come from like walk different walks of life, but like, she's the blonde to my black, she's the salt to my pepper. And let's just say it like this like, I think I lived in a prison of my own, but mine was a prison of my own creation. Yours was probably worse though. Yeah. And it's like, and I want to say this in a loving way, but um, it was definitely something you are a result of your life choices. And there is no one else you can blame. You can't, no one held a gun to you. No one held a gun to your head to go and steal. No one held a gun to my head to do what I like to go through my life and uphold the life that I was living. But you create a prison cell for yourself. And it's just the same. Like there were times when I would be sitting in my closet, just like talking to the walls. Like I literally was in a like a point of my life where I had no one else to turn to but myself and to go inward and go, What the fuck? Like, what are we doing here, Shania? Like, what are we doing? And that's where um, you know, going to jail or you know, you know, being in a sort of jail, it really does shape you as a person.

SPEAKER_00 25:32

Oh, it changes you.

SPEAKER_04 25:33

Like coming out of jail, you would have been a different woman. I was like, and going in, like being pregnant, like that in itself, as as in womanhood, that's like our initiation into the next level of being a woman.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:46

So like here you're going through one of the modes, like you're now pregnant, going through it in a holy fuck shit, what the fuck, telenovella kind of thing. Like shit. Like, that's wild.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

Yeah. And then I'm coming home to a husband that I barely knew.

SPEAKER_04 26:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

So like I got off the plane and I was just like, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04 26:09

How did it feel when they let you out? Like, was it like a relief?

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Like, was it Yeah, it a huge relief, but then it was like humiliating. Mortifying. Like a friend of mine, her and her mom, picked me up and then drove me to the airport. But it was like, what just happened? It was almost like a nightmare. Like I was living a nightmare.

SPEAKER_04 26:32

Yeah. And then I'm coming home and I'm trying to be a nightmare.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Yeah. And I'm coming home and then it's like, okay, now I need to like really get to know my husband. Cause now I'm married and I'm pregnant.

SPEAKER_04 26:42

And your balls are out for everybody to see. Like the whole world. It's like, here's everybody else. Here's my balls. Like, take a look.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Yeah. Everybody knows.

SPEAKER_04 26:50

You kind of just want to like run away, change your name, and start all over, right? But you don't get to do that. That's why second chances matter. And that's why I think I am so drawn to people that, you know, make mistakes in their life because nobody's bloody perfect. Show me a person that hasn't done something that they feel shame for. Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

Because then I'll be like, you're lying. You're full of it. You're lying. 100% full of shit.

SPEAKER_04 27:10

And when you can take accountability, I think that's a beautiful thing. And I think that's what's beautiful about it now. So, like we said, Erin just got her pardon. This is 26, 25 years later. 20.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

26.

SPEAKER_04 27:24

26 years later. And she just got her pardon two weeks ago.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

Because in the state of Colorado, you can't seal felony cases. So, like if it happened in Vegas here, I could have sealed my record years and years and years ago.

SPEAKER_04 27:36

Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

But the state of Colorado, you they don't let you seal felony cases. And I didn't know, I probably could have got this done years ago, but I didn't even know it was an option.

SPEAKER_04 27:46

Yeah. You don't think of that. No, I wouldn't have let you into the UK.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Someone that works for the police department out here is the one that said, hey, this is maybe you should try and do this. And so I was like, all right. So in January of 2023 is when I sent everything in to the governor of Colorado to try and get a pardon. And it took over three years just to get the pardon done. And you have to send them in. Like I had to have character reference letters. I had to send him, I think it was like three years of past tax returns. Like, I mean to show that you're a good changed person. Yeah. I had to send them FBI background. I had to send them the local background. And then I had to try and find my case in Colorado. And when I call some accounting, they're like, I don't see anything on you. And I'm like, it's there. And I then I ended up having to call someone in Denver, and they had to it was like this whole thing just to try and find my case, and my they couldn't even find anything on me.

SPEAKER_04 28:40

That's crazy. So wait, how did your family take this? Like obviously, um, like people that love you are gonna love you no matter what. And your parents do. Yeah. But it's like, how how does that look toward the family, especially being in this kind of religious background? Like, how did they take it? Um from then to now, like how has it transformed?

SPEAKER_00 29:02

Then there was a lot of embarrassment, and I'm sure they were completely ashamed of me.

SPEAKER_04 29:07

Did they ever make you feel that though? No. Not in so many ways. No. They bloody didn't. That's the answer. They didn't hear.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Yeah. And like it was it was always a joke, like, oh, Aaron went to summer camp. She didn't go to jail, she went to summer camp. Summer camp. Yeah, I was a camp counselor. And she was pregnant. Yeah. So it it w it was all a big joke to everybody. Like nobody, I nobody shamed me. Nobody like shunned me away. And but you felt all of it. Like I think that's my total guilt. Like that's my own guilt and my own shame. Like, what did you do to your life?

SPEAKER_04 29:42

Yeah. Which is probably why when you sat me down, I felt it. It was almost like she store like just stared down into my soul. She was just like, What the fuck are you doing? And I was just like, I don't know. What am I doing? Like, do I need to change? Do I need a wake? And my soul was.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

What do I do?

SPEAKER_04 30:00

Answer the call. Like, that's I think that's what it was. And it's because you've gone through something and you go, no, you you gotta, you gotta wanna do this for yourself. You gotta choose better for yourself. Because no one's coming to save you at the end of the day. Nobody's gonna come and say, Erin, you shouldn't have been doing that. Don't do that, you're gonna get caught. No one was there. And then when you when you fall into the pits of it and when you do something bad, like no one's perfect. Like we all do things that we're not proud of. And you go, No, I I need to make a change for myself.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:30

I need to pull myself out of this.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

Yeah. And nobody knew what I was doing. Nobody knew I was embezzling embezzling money. Like I didn't tell anybody. And the police even asked me, like, who did you tell? Like, who knows? And I'm like, nobody. I'm not gonna bring anybody down with me. Like, I'm the only one that knows. Nobody knew I was doing it. Not even the guy I was living with knew.

SPEAKER_04 30:48

Yeah, like you didn't go and brag about it.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

No, he's like, How do we get this new coffee table? I'm like, Oh, I got a bonus at work. Like, oh shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:56

And I guess that comes like the the guy you said, the guy, the owner, didn't want to press charges or anything. He got paid back though, right?

SPEAKER_01 31:02

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 31:03

And he got his interest and everything. Yep. Well, as it should be. You do wrong, you gotta pay for it. Consequences are a part of life. Like, I feel like we all are just the result of the choices we make, or we're a consequence of the choices that we make in our lives. And that's where it comes down to living in your own heaven or hell.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:21

Right? Like you can choose to, you know, whatever choices you make, you can make it heaven or hell.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

Right.

SPEAKER_04 31:28

It's like I think back to some of the things I've done or that I did to keep me in a place where I was. And it was I was choosing that. I was choosing to live in that hell. I was choosing hell.

SPEAKER_00 31:41

And only you can pull yourself out of it. Exactly. Nobody else is going to do it for you.

SPEAKER_04 31:46

You came and told me like you got to stop doing this. You have to be the one to turn your life around. If you want something different or if you want to be taken seriously in your life, then start fucking acting like it.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:57

So, you know, you can wait around for a superhero to come and save you, but it's never going to come until you realize that it's you. Right. Like you're the one that has to save you. Yep. And I think that's a beautiful thing about your story. So we do want to say congratulations, Erin, on your pardon. Yay. Yay. There are people all over the world that are like, you know, how was your birth story? How was your first pregnancy? Do you just like shut down and you're just like, or do you own it?

SPEAKER_00 32:21

No, I own it. I don't care. Like you can judge me, but like you've said, nobody's perfect. Everybody has that past. Exactly. Mine's just a little more decorated than others. Decorated. But it truly has made me who I am today.

SPEAKER_04 32:34

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 32:35

Because not everybody goes through what I went through. And it's not easy. I couldn't have done it without the support of so many people. Like Greg being my number one supporter. Like he's the one that's pushed me and pushed me and pushed me.

SPEAKER_04 32:48

Yeah. And he's never held it like against you. He's never made you feel like that shame.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

No.

SPEAKER_04 32:52

He just was right.

SPEAKER_00 32:54

It was always fallen wife.

SPEAKER_04 32:56

It was almost like he was sent to you at the right time, no? 100%. Like he was sent to you. Kind of like like I feel like people always come into our lives when we need them. Like they come, everyone comes for a reason or a season. Like it's whatever. And it's like it's like the universe, God, sauce, whatever you want to call it. I don't know. We're not into patriarchal religions over here. You know that. If you know me, you know me. Um, but I'll we'll we'll say God for now, just for the context of this. But God will send the right people into your life at the perfect, precise time to make sure that you have everything that you need to get through what you need to get through. And it's like you and me. Like, like going back to episode one when I talked about how prolific our friendship was and how important it was for me, like I was literally breaking the chains of my cage at the same time. And it's like, it's almost as if Erin was like a guide for that. Like she had been through something obviously more three-dimensional. Like mine was more in a spiritual sense, yeah, of like prison of your mind. But God will send you the right people at the right time to make sure that you're fully equipped to go through the next level. Because everything's all about leveling up.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:05

Like if you had just gone through and stayed in that old relationship and just whatever, didn't turn yourself in, then who knows where you would have been today.

SPEAKER_00 34:13

Yeah. I can only imagine.

SPEAKER_04 34:15

Yeah. I don't know why it like it appeals to me so much, the human spirit. I love stories of like, that's why I think I pick the bad boys. We love a good bad boy. You know, like give me, give me, like, here's the new standard. If he hasn't gone through the Robert Downey Jr. like glow-up, like I'm talking prison. Like he has to, if my best friend, if my best friend's gone to jail and like turned her life around, like my expectations for men are like, you have to have gone through your spiritual awakening and pulled yourself out of the depths of hell to even like cut it. Because it's like, where's the essence? Where's the not only that, but like, how are you gonna handle life? How are you gonna handle life?

SPEAKER_00 34:59

If you haven't been through something like so catastrophic, something that's really tested you, like Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:06

Like my my 12-year-old went through cancer twice. Right. And look at him. Look at him. He's 12. I sh okay, so uh, we were at a birthday party on the weekend, and I'm telling you, when I say I'm a proud mum, like that would be I that would be an understatement. So there's like one table, and all the boys are eating their pizza at the table, and Johnny's Johnny's there, he's eating pizza, and um a couple of the other boys are coming up to have their pizza and there's nowhere to sit. And Johnny's mid-stuffing his face, and he just gets up, he goes over, sticky hands from the pizza, he grabs the spare chairs, doesn't no one asks him to do this. He's just so aware and so he's a freaking leader. He's a leader, he's a man of men. He's a the he is he has uh more masculinity in him than a thousand men. I believe that, and he's 12. And he just goes and he picks up these two chairs in his two hands, like in his hands, like comes and he sits one down, he goes, Here, Josh, you sit here. And he goes, Here, Luca, you sit here. He just puts the chairs down and he just takes takes it upon himself to make sure everyone has a seat because everybody because he's aware and he's gone through so much that he's like he doesn't want anyone to feel that. And it's like when you when you've gone through something early in your life, and I say I've had such a vanilla life, like you're going through this at you know, in 1920, right? Going through your first pregnancy, going to jail, going through all this stuff. Like, I up until I got pregnant, when I got pregnant is when my life literally went fucking like holy shit. But like I had the most vanilla life. Like everything was vanilla, mum, dad, sister, you know, graduated college, everything was as it's meant to be. And then it was just kind of like here's the top of the roller coaster, we're coming down the other side and we're doing a loop-de-loop, like and it's going fast. And it's going fast. But that's when that's what builds character. That's what builds character in everybody. Like, if you don't have a backstory, and we all do, like, then what am I reading?

SPEAKER_00 37:09

Well, not only that, like, I think, especially for me, being in circumstances that I've been in my in my life, I it's easy for me to relate to people because it's like I have to judge through so much shit in my life.

SPEAKER_04 37:24

It's kind of like, yeah, who am I to judge? Like exactly that. That's where it comes down to us like saying, tell us all the things that you've done.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

Yeah, let me help you.

SPEAKER_04 37:31

Yeah, and let us love you anyway.

SPEAKER_00 37:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:33

Like there's no, there's no prerequisites. And that's what I think is really awesome about Erin. It's like there's it's it's come as you are. Yeah. Oh, if there's nothing more Jesus than that, like bloody.

SPEAKER_00 37:43

Oh like But like you said, there's no judgment. Like there's nothing you can tell me that will surprise me.

SPEAKER_04 37:48

No, like really, there isn't. It really doesn't.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

And I don't care. Yeah. I I just don't care. And that's a beautiful because I've been there, done that. Like I I I've been through it. Yeah. And that's that's the thing. Like, people see the life that I have now, and they're like, Wow, you have such a great life. And I do. I am blessed beyond belief, and I love my life, but you have no idea where I came from. And that's what it's like. I have no idea what it took to get me where I am today.

SPEAKER_04 38:17

Exactly. And people, that's what I was saying. Um, I think I made a post about this on Instagram. People will start reading your book at chapter 34 or chapter 46 or chapter whatever. They start reading your book and they think that they can judge you just by reading that one chapter, but it's like, no, no, no, no, mate, you didn't you didn't read chapter 20. Yeah. You didn't read chapter 20. Chapter 20 was where it really happened. And that's where it's like, who are we to judge? Like, who are we to judge anybody in this life? Like, I go on my walks every morning and I I'll I'll chat to anyone.

SPEAKER_03 38:47

I know. She knows. I know.

SPEAKER_04 38:49

I'll be on my walk and then I'll be like, because I call Erin every walk and I'll just be like, hey, like, what are you doing? Like, we just talk shit. And then obviously there's always other people on the walk. And like, I'm like, I gotta stop. Like, hold on, I'm talking. And like, this is my friend from I made friends with this wonderful old man who actually turned out to be like a guardian angel of mine.

SPEAKER_00 39:07

So sweet.

SPEAKER_04 39:08

Um, we um, his name is Butch, and he um actually lives in Texas now. But um, he turned out to be one of like my dearest friends. He's an older gentleman, the same age as my dad. And every time I'd be on the phone to Aaron, like he would, you know, have something. He just wanted these people, people just want someone to talk to, someone to connect to. And like, so did I. Like, I'd go for my walks and I'd just want someone to connect to because I didn't have any friends. And, you know, this old man became a friend. He brought me lemons from his tree. And like, we just ended up having these wonderful conversations, and um, it brought so much joy to my life. And then um, one day he actually ended up getting really sick that his daughter, who was in Texas, reached out to me and was like, Oh, my dad's in hospital. Like, I can't get there till tonight. Like, could you go and see him? Like, and I was like, Holy shit, like what? And um this is a really quick story, but um, he used to always tell me about all the dogs that he would meet on his walk. And he he loved remembering people by the dogs that he would meet. Like he loves dogs, and he would like be like, Oh, I met this dog today, and his name was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and whatever. So I was like, I want to bring him something. So I brought, um, when I went to the hospital, I got like this little puppy dog, and it was like a little stuffed dog. And I was like, Oh, this is gonna be the best. And he burst into tears when I walked into the room and he was like, I asked God this morning to bring me a dog if I could have a dog, you know, to get me through this time in the hospital. And like when I say like having these connections with strangers, like I will like it just brought so much joy to me. Um, anyway, that was like a beautiful thing. But like having these connections with strangers, you never know. Like he had just as much an effect on me as I probably had on him.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

And he probably still has that dog to this day.

SPEAKER_04 40:54

Exactly. He probably still has that dog, and it's just like, like, who are we to judge? There, people are here to teach us, to teach us everything.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

Like there's a lesson in everything. And everyone friendships and like work relationships. There's a lesson.

SPEAKER_04 41:10

And it's like we don't know what that is gonna be. We don't know what someone's going through. You don't know where someone's at on their journey. What if that last hello do you that you say to somebody is the one that literally pulls them over the edge to get to the next day? Like, and that's what I found on Instagram. And I think people, you know, it can go either way with Instagram. People say social media is the death of humanity, blah, blah, blah. But social media literally got me through everything. It got me through the toughest times. When I had no friends, when I was locked away in my closet, had no one to talk to, didn't leave the house. It was social media and these earth angels that literally popped onto my feed and tell me, like brainwashed me into saying, You're gonna have a great day today. Everything's gonna be a great, great, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But that helped you get through that day. It helped me get through. And that's where I'm saying, like, everything's a blessing in this life. Like, I'm not gonna write anything off. Like anything that happens, if you're late for something, you never know where it's gonna, you're gonna end up.

SPEAKER_00 42:08

Or there's a reason you hit that red light.

SPEAKER_04 42:10

There's or there's a reason this popped up now. Like we I talk about my angel numbers, and like maybe I'm one of those people that just find meaning in something. And I know you know that. I am that woo-woo one. I'm like, Erin, I saw a feather. And the moon is rising at and I'm bleeding when the moon is rising at three degrees of Saturn, and she's like, here we go. But I'm that person, like, I call it optimism or delulu. We call it delulu or optimism, but it literally gets you through. And that's where I want to talk about what um we're gonna go into our next episode. Um okay, social media is good and there is a certain amount of Dululu that gets you through life. But like when I think back about it and I think about this, sitting in my room, my prison cell, right? And what got me through getting out of prison, like, yes, obviously good friends and good support. But when I was in my prison cell, I had to create, and I'm I'm looking, I'm not a psychologist, but I'm looking at this from the most logical and analytical way. When I think back about how I dealt with things when I was in the midst of it, I created this Dululu land. I created this fantasy land to escape my reality. And it ended up getting me to a place where I created this superhero.

SPEAKER_00 43:28

That's what you want to call it.

SPEAKER_04 43:30

I no, but this is what we're gonna call it. I created him as my superhero.

SPEAKER_00 43:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:34

And as much as he thinks I'm bloody nuts now, um up your SSRIs, yeah, right, bud. No. Um and I don't know if we're gonna even name job next episode. I don't even care to, but I'm just gonna say There's no reason to. Yeah, talking about it from an analytical, like uh, like I I love psychology and I love how people create um defense mechanisms or how they help themselves through things. I realize now that I had created. This fantasy land to help me escape my reality, to help me escape this prison cell that I had to break the chains of. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:07

You know, which is, I don't know, is that something you did in your I just put my head down and just got through each day. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:15

Yeah. Like you kind of dissociate from yourself.

SPEAKER_00 44:17

I mean, there were times Greg would call me, or not call me, where I would call him because I could call him once a day.

SPEAKER_04 44:22

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_00 44:23

And it was just like, okay, how many more days?

SPEAKER_04 44:25

Yeah, like the countdown. Like you kind of just left your body. You were just like, no.

SPEAKER_00 44:30

I had to. There was no other way to get through it.

SPEAKER_04 44:32

Yeah. Like otherwise the emotion.

SPEAKER_00 44:33

I'm going in and I'm like, 60 days. How am I going to do this for 60 days?

SPEAKER_04 44:38

Yeah. Like, how do you process? And then being pregnant and emotional. Yeah, there's a lot. That's a lot to overcome. Like say it what, like, say what it is. Like, say it as it is. Like it's, it's, it's a mental, it's a mentally it's mental torture.

SPEAKER_01 44:53

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:54

And you're like already feeling shitty about it because you came clean. So it's like, how do you get through tough times? That's that's a question. How do you get yourself through something that is tough? And like you've got to, you, you either, you either disassociate yourself from something, you turn to alcohol, you turn to whatever. Like, obviously, you couldn't, but it's just like that's how you build mental. That's why we took up running. That's why we we wanted torture.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

I shut down though. Like, I'm not one that will talk about my feelings very much. Like Greg will be like, Are you okay? I'm like, Yeah, I'm fine. He's like, Okay, no, really, are you okay? I'm like, Oh, yeah, I'm fine. And then a week later, remember when you asked me if I was okay?

SPEAKER_03 45:35

No, I'm not.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

This is what pissed me off. But I'm I've gotten better about it throughout the years, but I was just one that let's just put that under the rug for another day. We don't need to talk about that. We don't need to Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:47

And that's just what I would do. Turning away from it instead of dealing with it and dealing with your shadows, like sitting, sitting in the emotion of things and really like they say sit with your your pain, but it's like, no, don't sit and cry about it. It's like feel it, let it come up. You have to feel it. Let it come up. If you keep ignoring it, it's just I just told you that last week.

SPEAKER_00 46:05

Yeah. You need to feel these emotions. You need to have to feel them and get through them.

SPEAKER_04 46:08

Yeah. Because like we said, you don't know where anyone's at with their lives. And it's like you gotta, you gotta be in it. And when these shadows come up, like sit with it. Sit with it.

SPEAKER_00 46:21

Like whatever you're doing. And I have a hard time because like I feel people's emotions. Hyper awareness, yeah. Yeah. And so like I can read somebody like no other. Can you read me? What am I thinking? I already, you already know what I know about you. She knows everything. But like I'll tell Greg, like, that person's bad news. You're like, I I don't want anything to do with that person.

SPEAKER_03 46:40

She's never been wrong. She's never been wrong.

SPEAKER_00 46:43

And I think that's another reason why I keep everybody at an arm's length.

SPEAKER_04 46:46

Like, I just and then there's that rare few like myself, and they're like, hey, hey, me. You're not going anywhere. We're gonna be best friends forever. Okay, so that was like that was intense. That was a really deep one. And I'm really, I'm really happy that we were able to share that because, like I said, everybody has an awesome story and being able to dive into the real guts of things, like her skeletons, there's nothing else like Erin is who she is. Her skeletons are out there. And that's something that I want to be able to stand in too. Because when people can hold that, imagine if she didn't own up to that and she and someone held it over her. Oh, I'm gonna tell everyone that you went to jail. Like, imagine having to hide that in.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

Yeah, I don't care. Tell it. I don't, I don't care. Tell them. Like, and I hope that like my story can help somebody else. Yeah. Like there, there is an end to it. At the time when you're like deep in it, knees drowning in the shit, it sucks. But you can't get out. I like I I can't be a beautiful life. Yeah. And it took a long time to get to where we're at, but I wouldn't change it.

SPEAKER_04 47:56

You wouldn't, you'd look at her and you wouldn't even think, fucking felon. She went to jail. Pregnant. Pregnant. No, but you wouldn't think it. And I think that's a beautiful thing. And like there's no, there's nothing there. It's just, it's like, take me as I am. And it's come as you are. Like there's no judgments here. And that's what I love about this friendship and like humanity today. Like, second chances matter. Second chances freaking matter. It's what you do with them. And there's no one that can, I don't think there's a soul on this earth that can't do something shitty and turn it around. Like, why can't we turn it around? Why can't we turn it on to the other thing?

SPEAKER_00 48:33

That's why I have such a hard time when people say, like, oh, well, I'm here and I'm there and life is this and life is that. Well, change it then. Yeah. Make sure you can change it.

SPEAKER_04 48:41

Collapse the timelines. Who do you want to be?

SPEAKER_00 48:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:44

Be that.

SPEAKER_00 48:45

It's not easy. It sucks when you're in the trenches, but you can change it.

SPEAKER_04 48:50

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 48:50

Nobody's going to do it for you. You have to do it for yourself.

SPEAKER_04 48:53

Yeah. It's so true. It's so bloody true.

SPEAKER_00 48:57

That's why it's like when people say, Oh, well, this happened in my childhood and that or that, blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry that happened. Yeah. It sucks for you, but that doesn't have to be your future.

SPEAKER_04 49:06

That's the victim mentality. I feel like so many people are still stuck. And I was stuck there for a while.

SPEAKER_00 49:11

Like I was. I'm not going to lie. Like it, I but I had to figure out why I was there.

SPEAKER_04 49:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:16

And why, why am I here? Why am I still living in this when I don't have to? I don't have to live like that.

SPEAKER_04 49:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:23

I don't live there anymore. That's not my life anymore.

SPEAKER_04 49:26

Yeah. You can choose heaven or hell is a choice. Hell, the gates of hell are locked from the inside, guys. Like, I don't think, and I it took me a minute to understand this too. I was like, why is this happening to me? Why does this keep happening to me? You were letting it. You were letting it. I was, I was handing over the keys to my own life everywhere else but myself. And I was giving my power away. And it's when you give your power to anything else but yourself. Like I'm in charge. I get to decide who I'm going to be. I've got to decide how I'm going to be and how I'm going to deal with situations. And that's where you really start taking back your life. Like you take accountability.

SPEAKER_01 50:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:01

You can literally take back your life. Like you break the freaking chains of your prison cell. And that's where I think it's um it's a really good thing.

SPEAKER_01 50:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:11

Like you're in charge.

SPEAKER_00 50:12

You are in charge.

SPEAKER_04 50:14

How do you want to live? How do you want to live here on earth? So if you're in the victim mentality, this is where we're saying pull yourself out of it. You get to choose. You can have a new life. It's literally a matter of a choice.

SPEAKER_00 50:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:27

You choose it. And so it will be.

SPEAKER_00 50:29

And so it will be.

SPEAKER_04 50:30

So it will be. Oh my gosh, what a fun episode, guys. Oh, another banger for uh we said, What are you thinking? Because we talk about the real shit. Um, episode three, we have a really fun episode. I don't know how we're gonna tackle this one, but um It'll be fun. It's definitely not gonna let you down. It's not gonna let you down. Like it's better than this one. Is it? I don't know. They just get better each time. They just get better each time. Let's just say we've got a little bit of um a cat and a fish and a big story. Anyway, um, we said what you're thinking, and you are welcome.